“Tell me.”
I stare for a beat. “I have a job interview.”
“Yes?” He smiles. “This is good, no? What you wanted?”
“Well…sort of.” I pull in a shaky breath. “It’s in New York.”
“What?” He looks confused.
“If I get the job, it’s in Manhattan. I would have to…move there.”
He frowns. “But…”
“I know.” The words start to tumble out in a rush. “It’s just a really good job. On Wall Street. The pay is incredible and I could really build a career there! It’s everything I could want professionally.”
He doesn’t say anything, those beautiful green eyes searching my face.
“It’s not guaranteed that I’ll get it,” I continue. “But it would mean financial independence for me once…our agreement is over.”
He stares, his expression inscrutable.
“I know it’s not ideal but it could work for us,” I say hurriedly. “Like, I take this great opportunity in New York, so we’d be doing the long-distance thing and then, when it’s time to divorce, we can blame it on the distance. It would make breaking up that much easier.”
“Breaking up.” He says it so quietly I almost miss it. But I don’t miss the flatness in his tone or the way his face goes blank. Like he’s masking something. The Viktor I love is gone and in his place now is Viktor-the-stoic-Russian-goaltender.
Oh fuck, what have I done?
“What day is the interview?” he asks finally.
“I have to fly up Monday.”
“So, you will not come to Alaska.” He says it with such finality my heart cracks a little.
“No, I can fly out Wednesday and be there for Thursday and Saturday,” I say quickly. “Unless, you don’t want me to go…?”
He doesn’t say anything for a long time. “It is your decision. Just tell me so I can change flight.”
“You already bought my ticket?” Now I feel even worse.
Could I have blundered this any more badly than I have?
“Is not problem. First class. Easy to change.” He starts to turn away.
“Viktor, wait. I’m sorry. I didn’t know I would get an opportunity like this. And it means I don’t have to rely on you as much.”
“We had agreement. To rely on me was my part of agreement. But I understand. You want independence.”
“I want…”
You.
That’s what I should have said but the word dies in my throat.
“What do you want, Holly?” He meets my gaze directly and I stare back helplessly.
How can I tell him how I feel?
How do I put it out there when our future is so uncertain?
