A flicker of confusion before he says, “It will be good to have your friend with you.”
“Totally.” I pause.
Then he squeezes my hand—we seem to be holding hands all the time now. “Do not forget, I will be there also.”
“You’ll be busy with hockey. But don’t worry, I can handle it.”
“Yes, but I will worry.”
“Don’t. Just think about hockey. You have a championship to win.”
There’s something in his eyes that resembles gratitude, but it’s gone almost as quickly as it appears. Then he leans over and presses a soft kiss on my forehead.
“Thank you.” He trails his fingers along my cheek before turning away. “I know everything is difficult.”
“I should be thanking you. You’re making it a lot easier than I thought it would be.”
“This is my job,” he says softly. “To take care of you. Maybe not forever, but for now? You are my wife. I will be the best possible husband under circumstances.” His eyes are laser focused on mine and if I were with anyone else, I would swear he’s going to kiss me.
Is it wrong that I would let him?
Chapter Twelve
Viktor
I replay the moment in my mind dozens of times the next day on the flight to New York. I should have kissed her. She wanted me to. There’s no doubt in my mind about that. But I chickened out. Not because I don’t want to touch her but because I’m afraid of what that means. What it might mean going forward.
What will happen if we cross the line from married friends to lovers? That would make her my wife in every way, and that’s dangerous. Not for me so much. I’m still not sure I’m capable of that kind of love, but what if she falls for me? The last thing I want to do is break her heart.
And yet, the pull between us gets stronger every time we’re together. I hate not being able to touch her when we lay in bed at night. I look forward to every opportunity to hold her hand, kiss her cheek, show her affection. We’ve been married a week, and I’m already annoyed that it’s not real. That I have to be all in when we’re in public but then have to put walls back up in private. If anything, it should be the opposite.
I have headphones on, and there’s a movie playing but I’m not watching.
I’m still thinking about the look in Holly’s eyes when I almost kissed her.
She’s wary too. I can feel it. She wants me but she’s probably thinking all the same things I am. That we can’t afford to become physically intimate. Once that happens, well, then what? We could stay married longer but to what end? She wants—and deserves—a man who truly loves her. Who will take care of her both physically and emotionally?
That probably will never be me since I’ve never been in love before. Maybe there is something broken inside me when it comes to that.
“Why not?” West’s question makes me yank my headphones off.
“What?!” I demand. Was I talking in my sleep or something? How the hell did he know what I was thinking about?!
He blinks. “I was talking to Ashton.” He motions to Ashton, who’s across the aisle. I’m in the window seat, and West is next to me on the aisle.
Now it makes sense.
But Jesus, I thought I was losing my mind.
“Sorry,” I mutter. “I was falling to sleep.”
He grins. “No worries. You okay? How’s married life agreeing with you?” I see the twinkle in his eyes and know he’s just messing with me. Only a few people know the truth about the marriage so he wouldn’t ask me something like that unless he was joking.
“All good,” I say with a quick grin.
He nods. “So, you guys are definitely moving out, right?”
I frown. “Yes. Why?”
