Because Adrian told me he’d see me soon.
And he always came back.
Always.
* * *
“Baby Boy.”
CJ’s voice cut through the noise in my head like something pulling me back through water.
The panic was still there, thick and spiraling under my skin, but the room started to return in pieces: sound first, then light, then him.
I hadn’t even realized I’d been staring at the wall for nearly twenty minutes.
My eyes found CJ.
He was crouched in front of me, concern carved into every line of his face.
“You with me, baby?”
I forced a smile. It didn’t feel like mine. It felt broken on the way out.
“Yeah.” I knew he didn’t believe it. Not even slightly.
“You don’t have to do that with me, Baby Boy.”
I swallowed hard.
God, I loved that name. It made something in me ache, because I wanted to be his Baby Boy: the one who didn’t flinchat every sound, the one who didn’t live like this. The ache settled deep. I wanted that version of myself so badly it hurt.
But right now everything felt too heavy and too tight in my chest. I was barely fucking holding it together.
“I’m fine.”
“You’re not.” His voice stayed soft.
I pulled the blanket higher, as if it could shield me from his eyes, and looked away. If I kept looking at him, I’d fall apart completely.
And I couldn’t, because I had to stay intact for him.
He was already carrying so much because of me. Because Adrian wanted me back. Because everything led back to me.
CJ leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my forehead.
“I love you.”
I nodded without looking at him, feeling my chin tremble as my eyes started to burn. I couldn’t answer; if I tried, I’d break open and shatter completely.
* * *
That night, the nightmare came harder than ever.
Hands grabbed me as I reached for the door, and it wouldn’t open. It never did, leaving me trapped as the smell of antiseptic filled the air: sharp, cold, and familiar in the worst way.
Adrian’s voice pushed through, hard and cruel:“You belong to me, Elijah. You will be mine again, Elijah.”
I screamed as I felt his finger run down my cheek and heard him speak to me one final time:“You will always belong to me, Elijah.”
