I gather what I can—that tangled ball of chains, shackling me to a horrifying place filled with memories of every terrible thing I’ve done. I follow the call of his magic, weakened from disuse—a form of power he shouldn’t be using, and yet it still tugs, begging me to loosen that which will ruin me if I keep it in. I gasp as he pulls, siphoning all I offer him, relieving the pressure I’ve become accustomed to, feeling as if he’s hollowed out a certain part of my chest.
“Thank you,” I cry.
“This is so much.” His voice cracks as another tear escapes, hurtling down my cheek. “He makes you hold too much.” His chest shakes as his own tears fall over my hair.
“I mean every word of this: I will alleviate your hurt and pain, Tasch. I want to.”
His words tilt my inner axis, spinning me until I can’t tell which way is which, unsure what to do with this confession.
All I know is that I understand.
Because I feel the same way with him.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Return
“We are about to descend,” Minea warns. “The Emperor is waiting on the lawn, where it seems he has brought an audience.”
“Fuck,” Varic sighs, lowering his forehead over my temple. “Remember to keep your eyes closed and breathe steadily. Minea will go slow; however, the landing may still be jarring.”
I nod and brace for impact.
“Relax your muscles.” Varic releases some of the tension from the fingers laced with my own. “Believe me. You will feel it so much more if you tense when we land.”
Soreness radiates up my arms and legs as I try to release the tension while Minea cants his head down and angles for the ground. Wind whistles over Varic’s shield until Minea’s paws touch down, and a stinging pain jolts up from the bottom of my legs all the way to my skull, regardless of how soft the landing.
I scan our surroundings and gratitude swells in my chest since Minea landed closest to the dens. His best way of providing Varic and me a modicum of privacy, aside from the soldiers and witches staring out from the perimeter of the forest.
A shiver rolls down my neck as Varic’s lips caress the shell of my ear when he whispers, “I’m going to drop down first, then I will help you.”
His shield disappears, and I acknowledge him by pressing the horn to loosen the straps around our arms and legs. I clench my core when he adjusts his hips, then swallow a pathetic whimper forming in my chest as he releases the tension held around my hands—and the part I’ll miss most—when he unlaces his fingers from being entangled with my own. A sigh seeps from my lips as he extricates each of his legs and pivots behind me before dropping to the ground with ease.
The chill air stings everywhere his body was draped over mine, while the dazzling brilliance of Dragon wings draws my attention to the rest of my Guards as they dismount, where their own Dragons seem to have purposefully landed between us and the secret entrance.
“How was your first flight?” Minea asks.
“Difficult to say, as I have nothing to compare it to.”
Minea’s vocal cords grate together, and I wince when it reverberates in my skull, then startle when Varic steps on Minea’s leg to be eye-level with me. His skin is sallow, and my stomach twists with his need for both food and rest.
Varic leans across my back to grab hold of my hips. “Ready?”
I drag my arms past the straps and down to my sides as his hands slide over the backs of my thighs, lifting each of my legs behind the knee to help guide them out of the straps and over the side of the harness closest to him.
My heart leaps when his hands abandon my body, and I turn to see him when the warmth of his palms encircles my waist. His fingers flex as I rise and pivot to face him, sitting on the side of the Dragon. Then I smile sheepishly as he guides my legs to either side of his chest as he steps down.
“You can push off now. I won’t let you fall. I promise.” Varic reaches up to catch me while the other Dragons spread out, obscuring the Emperor’s view of where we’ve landed, so I slide down the black leather harness with a gasp as Varic’s hands tighten around my waist.
My breath catches when he pins me with a mix of amused admiration, and I am utterly helpless to break the spell cast by their impossible brightness.
The familiar flush rushes from my chest and up my neck the moment he braces my hips to his chest, pulling me close to use the friction between our bodies to slow my trajectory as I slide down his front. Adoration rolls from him, and I hold my breath, trying to ignore what he’s sharing, though I end up pulling in more of his emotions than intended.
Time is precious as we take this risk, touching this way before the Imperial soldiers. Varic halts, holding me in place as he stares into my eyes with scintillating reverence.
His eyes fall closed, breaking the spell as tingles spread throughout my body until my boots crunch on the dry soil. Varic releases my waist, and I check our surroundings, expecting some sign of the Emperor approaching.
“Tasch,” Varic says, and I shake my head to silence him, chancing a step as his arm loops around my back, to which I try to extricate myself—until I move to take a step forward and my muscles falter.
