‘You smell of a fae male, Ava. It’s harsh and acidic and clings to you.’ The words burned more than they should have. His patience thinned audibly. ‘It’s okay if you do; I’m not in a position to judge or expect anything else… It’s just that my stupid fucking brain won’t let me get any rest either until I at least have that answer.’
I turned to him and met his piercing look with one of my own. ‘I live with two fae males, River. And there are several working at the estate, not that I owe you an explanation.’
Sweat dripped down my neck as the car grew insanely hot. I opened the window with magic, unwilling to drop my eyes. I wouldn’t let him win this.
‘You don’t, but I’m going to ask anyway,’ his voice lowered as his hands kept tightening on the steering wheel, like one wrong move might snap it in half. ‘Are you having relations with someone?’
Nosy, entitled bastard. I couldn't believe my ears. ‘How will my answer help you rest exactly? If I were to fess up to any flings, wouldn’t that just wreck you even more?’
He shook his head, his eyes distant as he turned his attention back to the road. He was at war with himself, and for both our sakes, I hoped he reined his flames in. ‘Knowing lets me deal. Otherwise, I’ll just keep imagining it.’
There was no logic in his reasoning. I watched him, making no attempt to hide how harshly I was judging him.
‘I think the second I fessed up, your imagination would run wild,’ I said, my words coming out angrier than I intended because that was exactly how I felt.
How dare he? He was crossing the line.
‘Are you tormenting me on purpose?’ His voice sounded tired, and the pathetic person I am, I started to feel sorry for him. ‘Tell me. Please.’
Anger wrapped in flames built inside my chest, as though the allegation had offended the very magic that thirsted for him enough to leave me breathless. It was as if the fire itself had taken offence.
‘I’m not having any relations,’ I seethed, clenching my fists. ‘Do you even believe me?’
A long sigh tore out of him. ‘Of course I believe you.’ He paused, blinking slowly like he needed to calm himself down too. ‘And I’m sorry, it’s a mate thing.’
‘What is?’
Keeping quiet for several seconds while assessing how agitated I was, River eventually explained, ‘I already told you fae are possessive of their mates. You have no idea the restraint it takes not to keep you in Fogoya to make sure you’re safe… and with me.’
How easily he spoke of trapping me scared me. I wasn’t ready to be anyone’s prisoner anytime soon. ‘That would be kidnapping, River.’
‘You think my instincts care?’ he snickered, a flush creeping across his face as he looked away.
The conversation tired me; I wanted home. ‘Why are you telling me this?’
Voice soft, he asked barely above a whisper, ‘Do you think you’ll ever be able to forgive me?’
Not this again.
‘River, I thought we agreed to be platonic?’ I whined.
‘I will agree to be anything you want me to be if it means you won’t shut me out completely,’ he said, shutting down.
‘Okay.’
‘Fine.’
We exited the portal in the Fogoyan castle, and River kept me company for countless minutes until Alec showed up to take me home.
The silence between us felt wrong, like a fog trying to collapse our lungs. It replaced oxygen with suffering, and anything positive we had built or recovered during the search faded beneath its sinister implications.
Ever since we stopped talking after he accused me of sleeping around, whenever I allowed myself to glance his way, the lively embers in his eyes looked dull, as though the light within them had dimmed. And I hated that I was the reason.
The distance between us made him paranoid. That it was partially my fault drowned me in guilt. Before it showed, I fixed my posture and carried on putting on a brave face.
‘Thank you for helping me,’ I said to him when it was time to go.
Averting his gaze, he looked too ashamed to speak. He took a moment to blink the emotions away. ‘Ava, the things I said—’
