I can’t help but speak again and ask something about him. We don’t talk about much; he’s so closed off I realize I know so little about him, but I want to know more. I should know more.
“Why did you leave Denver?” I question gently, already preparing for him to shut down.
I don’t know if it’s the darkness, the quiet, or because he’s vulnerable from being woken up. Or because we’re seemingly alone, even though Grayson is sleeping upstairs. Right now it’s just us. He tenses, but doesn’t run away.
“I couldn’t be here anymore,” he answers quietly.
“Why though?”
He clenches his jaw and looks away from me. I want to guide his eyes back to mine, but I resist, waiting to see what he’s going to say instead. His eyes stay averted and the seconds feel like they’re dragging before he finally answers.
“Because I didn’t want to be constantly reminded of the past.”
I don’t know much about Asher’s life before he came to live with Audrey and Charlie. He hardly spoke to me back then. He just always seemed pissed off and annoyed. Kind of like now, but there’s been more to him lately. A softer side that he may not even notice he’s showing me. There’s more to him than he wants everyone to believe.
I rest my hand on his thigh; the warmth of his skin against mine has me sighing.
“You can tell me,” I encourage.
He finally looks up at me again, hazel eyes hardened and his jaw is tense. I think this may be the end of our conversation, but then he opens his mouth.
“I didn’t grow up like you,” he tells me. “I didn’t grow up with parents like yours, or a family like you have. I didn’t get everything I ever wanted.”
I roll my lips between my teeth. I know I’m extremely lucky with the life I’ve been given. I know not everyone can say that, but the way he’s saying this makes him sound angry about it, and I don’t think I have a place to say anything.
“My life before Audrey and Charlie was pretty shit. But it didn’t matter what they did for me, it was too late, the damage had been done.”
I shake my head, squeezing his leg a little harder. “Don’t say that. Your past doesn’t have to define you. Everyone grows, changes and can get better.”
He looks pained as he averts his gaze again. “Not me. This is who I am, Rae, and if you want to believe differently I’m going to disappoint you.”
I climb into his lap, straddling his hips and cupping his face, forcing him to look at me. “No, you’re not.”
His hands land on my hips, pulling me tightly against his body. “I am. Get me out of your system, discover who you are, and when this is all over look back with no regrets. But don’t expect me to turn into prince charming. I never will be.”
“Good thing I have Grayson for that role,” I snark because I don’t like that he’s reducing what’s going on to getting it out of my system. And I really don’t like that he saidwhenthis is all over.
“Good thing,” he agrees.
“I just want to make one thing clear,” I start. “You’re not going to do something stupid and walk away because you think that’s what’s best for me. Got it? I know what’s best for me, and I get to decide when you’re out of my system.” I throw his words back at him, watching for a reaction, anything that would indicate he regrets saying that.
But he doesn’t.
“As long as you don’t hold on, hoping for a change that will never happen,” he counters.
I nod. “Never.”
His lips land on mine, instantly pushing his tongue into mymouth in a deep kiss. It’s a distraction, but it’s one I’ll gladly accept for now. I don’t know how to tell him that I don’t expect him to change. I don’twanthim to change. I’m going into this knowing who these guys are and wanting both of them. But I have a feeling if I admit that my feelings run deeper than surface level he will think I’m being delusional. Or lying. So I keep it to myself.
Asher moves his kisses to my jaw and down my neck, moving the collar of his shirt I’m wearing to the side to keep moving lower. I rub myself against his lap and moan as I feel him hardening beneath me. “Take me back upstairs. I don’t have you both out of my system yet.”
He smirks, and I hope he can see how much those words felt like a stab in the stomach to me. But he doesn’t say anything else. Just scoops me up with one arm and carries me back up to my room.
I whisper against his mouth, “How long do you think it would take for Grayson to wake up?”
He bites my bottom lip, pulling it into his mouth roughly causing me to yelp.
“Not long if you keep making noises like that.”
