CHAPTER 40
Asher
Some days I swear my shoulder is completely better and I don’t need to wait to train anymore. Other days it hurts so bad that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fight again.
Those days are hard because it’s almost impossible to pull my mind from the dark spiral I go down. The one where I’ve lost the vision for my future, and I’m back in that trailer with my parents while my mom is passed out and my dad is screaming at me, the alcohol on his breath is so pungent I could throw up. Then when his fist connects and I hit the ground, I’m brought back to the present.
He’s dead, and I’m not.
He was a deadbeat and I never will be.
But when I think about losing my fighting career it’s hard not to think I may end up just like him. That’s why I stare at the pill bottle with the pain medication in it and want to throw it in the trash. I’ll never become reliant on something like that; I refuse to become addicted and turn into my father.
There was no chance I would be like my grandmother. She used religion as her excuse for her abuse. Claimed God told her to lock me in the closet when she caught me sneaking back intothe house. Claimed the Devil had taken over my body because I talked back to her.
I’m sure if the Devil is real, she’s met him now because she has to be rotting in Hell with him for the way she treated me.
I step into the shower, and my head drops forward as the warm water hits my back. Unfortunately, when everything is quiet and I’m alone, the thoughts hit me the hardest. Especially right now when my shoulder is aching after physical therapy and I just want everything to go back to normal.
But I don’t even know what normal is anymore.
Normal used to be waking up, working out, training, maybe going to a fight, living my life without much care for anything that wasn’t the gym or the UFC.
Then Rae walked in and turned it upside down.
I never thought I’d be back in Denver, now I don’t know if I can leave again.
I never thought I’d see a future with a woman, let alone a woman like Rae. And even more so Ineverwould have thought that future may include sharing her with another man.
Turning around, I splash the water on my face and focus on finishing my shower. Part of me feels like I could make everything easier for everyone by going back to Oregon and not looking back.
Running away like I did the first time.
I can’t do that.
Finishing my shower, I get out and even though I’m restless, frustrated, and about to go on a run just to distract myself, I glance at my phone and see a message from Rae. The way I feel myself calm at just the sight of her name should be studied.
I’m so far gone for her.
Rae
I know this is a long shot, but would you come to an award show with me?
Asher
Wouldn’t Grayson be better arm candy for you?
Rae
I want you both with me.
My eyebrows shoot up, and I call her immediately because I need to know what she’s thinking.
“You could deny me over text, I won’t be offended.” She’s trying to sound lighthearted, but I can hear the nervousness in her voice.
“I’m not calling to deny you, but I’m curious what you’re thinking. Are you asking us both because you want to go with Grayson and have me act as a bodyguard?” My tone is harsher than I intend, but I feel like there’s some sort of catch here. There’s no way she’s wanting to show up to some red carpet as both of our girlfriend.
Is she our girlfriend?
