Then one day it was quiet. Everything was so quiet. I was eight when they both died, and thought that maybe my life would be better. I was a naïve little kid. I went to live with my grandma, and thought maybe I’d have the life I saw on TV.
But I didn’t.
And I learned that was just fantasy. I wasn’t going to haveone of those lives, they’re fake because real life is filled with pain. This type of life isn’t real, not for someone like me.
Which is why once my grandma died and I moved in with Audrey, I couldn’t accept any of it, because it’s not real.
None of this is real, not really. Not for me.
The door behind me opens, and I barely catch myself from falling backwards, and look up to see Rae standing there with a confused look on her face. She’s so fucking beautiful. Her soft red hair hangs around her shoulder, slightly messed up like she was running her hands through it.
As she stands above me, the sun isn’t particularly bright today, the layer of fog over the sky that indicates impending snow, but I swear with her standing like that above me she’s glowing. She’s always like this, so bright. So perfect. Too good for me, and we both know it, but I’m holding on with both hands as tight as I can because if I were to lose her then I would lose all the light she brings with her.
“What’re you doing?” she asks softly.
I don’t answer right away; instead I stand up, crowding her against the side of her house, and watch her chest rise and fall with rapid breaths.
“Asher?” she whispers my name, blue eyes wide with questions, but I don’t have answers. I never do.
I bring my hand up to her neck, sliding to the back and tangling my fingers in the hair at the base, tilting her head back enough to keep her eyes locked on mine. My tongue sticks in my mouth at the thought of speaking. I should tell her more, I should tell her more about who I am, where I come from, and why she should run away from me and never look back. Go have a beautiful, perfect life with Grayson.
But I can’t.
And I can’t tell her how I feel when I’m around her. How she makes everything better, she pulls me from the darkness I find myself in. She makes me think that therecouldbe more to my life.
Instead of saying anything and sounding ridiculous, I close the distance, pressing my mouth to hers and tell her through our kiss. She may not understand it all, but it doesn’t matter. I let my mouth move over hers and she grips my shirt in her fists, anchoring herself to me. My tongue invades her mouth and she moans, melting into me. I push my hips into her harder against the wall.
Kissing her has the other thoughts in my mind quieting, if only just for a minute. She kisses me back like she knows I need this. Like I need her.
I finally pull back, dropping my forehead to hers, but I’m still breathing hard.
“Come inside,” she suggests gently.
I don’t say anything, and don’t move at first. It’s not until she takes my hand in hers and starts gently pulling me toward the door that I follow. Wanting to laugh at myself that Grayson is her puppy dog, but right now I feel like it’s me.
And I don’t mind it because yeah, she does have me wrapped around her finger and I don’t see that changing.
She shuts the door, leaning against it as she turns toward me. “Is there a reason you were sitting on my front porch?”
“I knocked.” I shrug. “You didn’t hear me, then I was just listening to you play.”
She looks me up and down, and normally there’s heat in her gaze when she does that, but right now all I see is concern. I don’t want her to look at me like that.
“What’s wrong?” she asks gently.
I clench my jaw, snapping, “Nothing.”
“You know you can tell me.”
“I just wanted to see you.”Partial truth.
She sighs; I’m sure she wants more from me, but I don’t know what to say. This is what I have to offer her right now.
“If youdidhave something to talk to me about, you can.”
“Because you’re so forthcoming with everything? Does Grayson still not know about the weird shit that’s been happening?”My tone is harsher than I intend, but if she wants to push me to talk, then maybe she should do the same since I hardly know what’s going on. It seems like Grayson knows even less.
Her eyes flare and harden. “It’s nothing.”
