“He wanted me to give you a message,” I said tearfully.
“What was the message?”
“He said,It was way too easy to get to me.The next time, he won’t leave me alive unless you tell him where his brother is. What does that mean, Buddha?” I asked, knowing I didn’t really want to know the answer.
“Mothafucka! It means he’s a dead,uomo(man). Tell me where the fuck you are.”
Chapter Ten- Sofia
I placed the food in front of my dog and smiled as he looked up at me, waiting for the signal.
“Eat,” I said, making the sign with my hand so he would know it was okay to eat his food.
I made a face at the American Bully as he wolfed down his meal. Dogs sure had a way of eating as though they were starved, like you don’t feed their ass. “Slow down, Jax,” I said to him, knowing he wasn’t about to do no such thing.
I was exhausted and was looking forward to going to bed. It had been a long day spent with Rocki at the mall. I walked around my house, checking all the doors to make sure they were locked. I knew they were because this was the third time I'd done my check.
Tucking my long hair behind my ear, I made my way into the kitchen, opened the fridge, and took out a bottle of Saratoga water. Cracking the cover open, I took a long sip. I had the baby monitor clutched in my hand, so I could easily hear if Rocki woke up. Rubbing my eyes, I made my way to my bedroom, where Rocki was asleep after a long day.
Standing next to the bed, I stared at my sleeping child. I wish I could sleep like this, relaxed without a care in the world. Rocki stirred a little, but got comfortable again and snored lightly. Beads of sweat suddenly broke out on my forehead, and my breathing pattern changed. The tips of my fingers began to tingle; I was about to have an anxiety attack.
“Shit,” I mumbled and quickly placed the water and baby monitor down. Racing over to a small recliner in my room, I sat on it and closed my eyes. Placing my palms flat on my lap, I did my breathing exercises to calm my racing heart.
In and out, in and out, I breathed deeply as I slowly felt my body calm and relaxed. Anxiety attacks were something I never suffered from. I developed these symptoms after I gave birth to Rocki. As a matter of fact, I had my first attack when I was about four months pregnant. I opened my eyes when my heart stopped racing, and I was breathing normally again.
I wished things were different; I wished I didn’t have to hide and pretend; I wished that day had never happened. Sighing loudly, I shook my head so the thought would erase before I stood up.
Walking along the side of the bed, I stared at my sleeping child and felt so sad. Our life was a lie, and there really wasn’t much I could do about it. At least not yet. Everything was in my mother's hands; she was the only one who knew my secret.
I was anxious for my mother to do what she said she would. She promised me that she would take care of things and that all I needed was to be patient. However, I was running out of time. I didn’t know how much longer I could go on deceiving everyone. My mother had me walking on eggshells, and I was sick of it.
My phone began vibrating in the back pocket of my shorts, and I took it out. I stared at the screen with amusement because it was almost as if she knew I was thinking about her.
“Hi, mamma,” I answered her call on the second ring.
“Sofia, have you spoken to Vincent today after breakfast? I’ve been trying to reach him about something.”
“No, I haven’t spoken to him since,” I replied.
“Ok, I really need to speak to him. I’ll try his phone again,” she said, getting ready to end the call, but I spoke up before she did.
“Mamma, how is it going with respect to what you should be working on? I’m tired of you dragging your feet on this matter,” I told her, knowing she wouldn’t like me asking again.
“Do you think I’m not working on it? I can’t just rush into something like this. It has to be planned out carefully. No loose ends, remember. I especially cannot let your father know what I’m doing. I promise Sofia I’ll see about this, and once and for all, you and Rocki will live freely without this hanging over your head. All you have to do is trust me. Do you trust me, Sofia?” I let out a loud sigh because this was driving me insane. I should have dealt with it the way I always wanted to.
“Momma, you know I trust you, but I’m running out of time. I can feel it. Questions will be asked sooner rather than later, and then what?” My voice rose by a couple of octaves.
“Sofia, if I say something will be dealt with, make no mistake, I mean that shit. You and Rocki will be free, but you need to be patient.”
I cursed in my head when she hung up the phone on me, and I shoved it back into my back pocket. Grabbing my hair, I rolled it up, using an elastic band on my wrist, and I put my hair in a high ponytail.
I began pacing the floor in my bedroom, my mind going a mile a second.
“Fuck,” I muttered with aggravation as I felt another anxiety attack coming on. I ran over to the recliner and sat down to do my breathing exercises. This time, it took longer for my racing heart to calm down and beat at its regular pace.
This could all come to an end if my mother allowed me to tell my brothers. Then this fucked up situation would be handledby both Phillipe and Vincent. I bit into my acrylic nail on my index finger, lifting my butt, I fished my phone out of my pocket.
I didn’t even think twice; I dialed Buddha’s number. I held my breath as I waited for my brother to pick up.
