He stares up at me.
“Hunter. Do you want to see Hunter?”
His tail wags.
I kiss his head. “I’m sorry, baby, but we can’t see him. He’s a closed chapter now.” I chuckle, tired and empty. “You must think I’m a crazy woman, asking you only to say no.” My already faint smile fades. “I think I’m going crazy.”
I run my fingers through the thick fur around his neck. “Will you still love me even if I lose my mind?”
He presses his snout against my nose.
The smile finds its way back. “I know you will.”
I massage around his neck until my fingers still on their own, and sleep pulls me under once again.
A knock on my door wakes me. Another morning where sleep has left me more exhausted than rested, but I drag myself up to open it.
Salvario stands outside with a cup of tea in his hand, steam rising from the surface. It’s my morning herbal tea, prescribed by Lyn. I have another blend for the night. This one is a deep yellow; the night one has a reddish hue. She suggested Salvario bring me these, and he hasn't missed a single morning.
“Good morning, Princess.”
“Good morning.” My voice is groggy. I clear my throat, moving deeper into the room and settling on the couch instead of the bed, because he won’t be able to sit there. Bruno is already sitting there, watching him with a look that is anything but friendly.
He moves to settle on the same couch, close to me, but Bruno’s sharp bark stops him. He chuckles, shakes his head, and retreats to the side couch, placing the tea on the table in front of me.
“He’s still mad at me. God knows how long he’ll sulk.”
I smile, making sure my lips form something that looks natural. “You know he’s stubborn.”
“You didn’t sleep well last night either.”
“It was fine.” I force more energy into my words.
“Why don’t you leave Bruno and Rosie here tonight and come sleep in my room?” He leans closer and takes my hand in his warm one. “I don’t understand why you need to stay away from me to heal. You know I hate any distance between us.”
I look down at the cup of tea, its steam already faded. “I just want to stay alone,” I murmur, barely moving my lips.
I lift my gaze to his. The same gray stares back at me, and yet a different man looks out from behind it. His eyes hold warmth and love too, but they aren’t the same. The warmth in them was born from the fire in his soul, the one that used toburn bright and fierce whenever he came near me. The love in those eyes was obsessive, nothing could dilute that obsession. It was the obsession of a man who knew no life other than the one I had breathed into him.
That’s how Salvario used to look at you, like you’re his reason for living. And he no longer looks at you that way. But someone else does.The ugly voices that have made my head their home whisper.
Shut up. That’s not true. Salvario loves me the same.
“Hey, what happened?” Salvario squeezes my hand.
“Huh?” I snap out of my head. “Nothing.”
His frown deepens. “Tell me what’s bothering you, Princess. You know it makes me feel so fucking helpless when you won’t let me see what’s troubling you so I can get rid of it.”
The guilt surges up, filling my throat with its familiar lump. I don’t deserve this man’s love and care. He’s so worried about me, and I’m fucking comparing him to another man.How disgusting is that? How fucking disgusting am I? I’m the worst woman he could have loved.
His gaze stays fixed on me, his brow knit with concern. The self-loathing must be written all over my face. I can’t hide it, it’s too fierce to conceal.
I pull my hand from his grip and avert my eyes. My fists clench tight, along with my jaw.
Don’t think. Shut down all the thoughts, I command myself, looking around the room to flood my brain with sensory input so it stays too busy to spiral. Slowly, my jaw and fists unclench, and I look back at Salvario.
“I think I need to get out for a while. I’ve been cooped up at home all week. I’ll go on a girls’ day out with Lyn and Avi.”
