Chapter 2
Elowen
“Is my belly looking too big?” Avi asks, studying her reflection with her hands resting on her round belly.
Her flared, puffed-sleeve yellow dress hugs her breasts and flows down over her seven-months-pregnant belly.
“It’s perfect,” I say.
She giggles. “I’m loving this pregnant look too much.”
I smile.
She looks at me in the mirror, then turns around and takes my hand. “Are you sure you don’t want to come downstairs to the party?”
I shrug, forcing a smile. “You know I don’t like these parties.”
I don’t like anywhere. I don’t even like my life.If breathing weren’t a compulsion—for the sake of these people who love me so much—I would have stopped a long time ago.
“If you want, I can stay here with you.” She knows I prefer being alone, the uncertainty is clear in her voice.
My family stopped forcing me to stay in their company when they realized it only made things worse. They let me stay alone with Bruno, Rosie, and their pups now. Yes, they’re now parents of two beautiful pups—Pester and Rozer. Bruno knocked up his adopted sister, just like Zo.
We’ve been living in Naples for the past four months. The dogs are still there; I came here for the party. Even though I had no intention of attending, my parents used the party as an excuse to see me. I know they’re worried. And I wish I could do something to ease it.
I shake my head. “I’m fine here.”
Her face falls into worry and sadness. I look down. Guilt coils in my chest whenever I see that look on their faces.
She wraps her arms around me. “Okay. Stay here. Just call me if you change your mind.”
“Okay. Enjoy the party.”
She pulls away with a smile. “I’ll bring you all the gossip.”
I smile and nod.
She grabs her purse and leaves, pulling the door shut behind her.
I walk out onto the balcony. I shudder as a sharp gust of cold air hits me. I’m wearing silk pajamas—useless against the cold. But I like the feel of cold air on my skin, how it strips away the warmth and replaces it with something my soul calls home. A coldness nothing can erase or thaw.
The sounds of music, chatter, and laughter drift up from the floor below. The veranda and garden of the party hall open just beneath my room’s balcony. I look down. The garden is adorned with ivory roses, marble urns, and crystal lanterns, but no one is outside.
Another wave of cold air washes over me, leaving me shivering. My fingers tighten around the cold metal railing.
I settle my gaze on Potomac. The water shimmers under the city lights. Everything around the river has changed in the last two years, but the river itself remains the same. Calm, flowing at its own pace.Is it also waiting for someone to come and change its course, or has it given up hope and now flows soullessly?
I move away from the railing and sink onto the lounge chair. A keyboard sits on the table. I haven’t played piano since that night, yet my mother placed this keyboard here. I know she’s hoping to get her daughter back. I wish that were possible.
I lift the lid and touch the keys. I know what will happen if I play. The music will reach inside me and force me to confront the parts of myself I don’t want to meet. I’m fine as long as I feel numb, I shouldn’t chase that away. Still, I pick up the keyboard and set it in my lap. I know no one will hear me. No one will know I’m broken. No one will see my shattered pieces. Not even me, I’m too lost to see anything.
They’re all busy enjoying the beautiful things in their lives. Everyone has them—some more, some less. I have them too, too many of them, but nothing can fill the hollow in my chest. He took the only thing that ever fit there with him.
I close my eyes and press the keys. The helpless notes surround me. The music isn’t loud enough to reach down, the people there have their own music, not the melodies of sorrow and darkness, but the melodies of light and hope.
The composition begins by telling of the place I’m in, where the sun doesn’t shine, the moon never visits, where only cold, empty darkness exists.
The music carries me away to the painful memories I’ve been trying to forget for longer than I can remember. The memories that bring nothing but pain. The memories of his love, his promises—of him. The man I loved with all I had, gave him everything I could. The man who took my heart and vanished, leaving me with the punishment of still beingalive. The man who still bleeds in every drop of my blood, still whispers in my dreams, still owns me completely.The only man my soul begs for.
