The quiet was almost too much to bear. He felt compelled to say something. To explain what had happened, even though he didn’t want to. “It was a long time ago,” he said, trying to brush the topic away.
“Were they robbers?”
He sighed, knowing she wouldn’t let it go. “Yes.” His lips thinned. “It was robbers.” The moment came back to him immediately, even though he had attempted to bury it previously. “She was in our home. The sun was high overhead. I was in the fields. Too far away to hear the horses’ approach. I heard her screams. I ran back. But I couldn’t save her.” He clenched his jaw, remembering how he had found her on the floor in a pool of blood. “They wanted my sword.”
“They?”
Landyn nodded and swallowed in a thick throat. Her chilling cries haunted his dreams every night. “Two men. They could have just taken it. They didn’t need to kill her. I heard their laughter and saw them leaving our cottage as I got there.”
“I’m sorry,” Raven whispered.
How many times had he heard that over the years? But it had not made up for the uselessness he felt, nor the guilt and sorrow that burrowed into his heart. “It was a long time ago,” he repeated. The pain was muted but never, ever forgotten.
“Did you kill the men who murdered her?”
Landyn felt his entire body clench. “No. I later found out that one died in a fight.”
“You didn’t go after them?” Raven asked, shocked.
Hehadgone after them. The need to kill them had consumed him for months. It was all he thought of; all he wanted. It had nearly killed him. And then he had met John at an inn. John had saved him. “I let it go.”
“But they killed your wife.” Raven shook her head. “I couldn’t do that. I can’t.”
“You think you can’t. You’re not where I was. And I hope you never get there.” He remembered the anger and the hate. It was like a disease inside of him. He lived in darkness and loathed his existence.
“What was her name?”
“Viola.”
“That’s a pretty name. What did she look like?”
He glanced at Raven. She was nothing like Raven. Viola wasn’t a fighter. “She had brown hair that she liked to pull up off her shoulders. She used to say it was easier to work without it getting in the way. She was the kindest person I’ve ever met.” He looked down at something poking him in the side and picked up a small twig. He twirled it in his fingers and caught Raven watching him from where she sat across from him. She had flattened the stalks of grass around her so she could sit. He grinned. “Her hair was lighter than yours. And her eyes were not as large.” His gaze moved over Raven slowly. Raven was very beautiful. She was tiny but curvy in all the right places. And fierce.
“Did you love her?”
“More than life itself.” He focused on Raven. “What of you? Have you ever been in love?”
Raven scoffed. “I never had time for love. Between practicing and making sure my sisters were following Father’s orders, there was no time.”
Sympathy flooded through Landyn. A beautiful woman like Raven had never known love. He scowled in disapproval. He was certain part of the blame lay with John. John would never have let men court his daughters. He trained them as fighters, not to be ladies. Landyn wondered what Raven would do if he kissed her. The thought sent a mischievous grin across his lips.
She straightened under his perusal. “What are you looking at?”
He smiled to himself. He had to admit it had been a long time since he had kissed a woman. And Raven was very attractive, her lips full and inviting. Someone should kiss her. And kiss her well. “I can’t imagine that men didn’t try to kiss you.”
“They didn’t. Well…” She rolled her eyes. “There was a farmer’s son once. But I shoved him down, and he never tried again.”
Landyn chuckled.
“Are you offering?”
Her teasing question caught him off guard. “Would you let me?” he countered. After a moment of silence that challenged his future Templar oath, he quickly added, “I’d be afraid you would shove me down.”
She snickered. “You’re too strong. I don’t think I’d be able to.” She held up her hand. “It’s well. I’m not asking you to kiss me.”
A shame. He couldn’t do it because of his future oath, but it was a shame, nonetheless.
A seductive grin curved her lips and sent his blood boiling. “I’d hate to be a temptation to your chastity oath,” she said slyly.
