"Then enlighten me," I say.
He hesitates. His thumb finds the bronze band, twists it once around his finger, and I watch him decide, in real time, that this is not the moment.Tonight,he'll say, but why would I believe that?Tonightnever comes.
"Not here," he says finally.
I nod. "Of course not."
"But—"
"No, you're right. Not here. Not now. Never now." I push the cold plate away. "There's always a reason. I know."
The bell over the door jingles, and we both go rigid. Afon's hand drops below the table, mine grips the edge of the booth.
But it's just an old woman in a parka coming in out of the storm, stamping snow off her boots, calling out, "Barb! You believe this weather?" and the moment passes, the danger that wasn't.
Through the window, Wolf is still under the awning, nose pressed to the glass, watching us with his big patient brown eyes, the only member of this party who has never once been confused about how he feels.
"We can't stay long," Afon says. "The man heard snowmobiles by the quarry. They're casting wide. We need to move before?—"
"I know."
He sighs. "Alright. Well… stay here. I need to make a call."
I look at him and wonder just what the hell is going through his head right now. As always, it's a mystery to me.
"Okay," I say. "Then make your call, Afon."
I pull Barb's carafe across the table and pour myself one more cup, because I've earned it, because it's warm, and because in a minute, we're going to walk back out into the white, wild, dangerous winter.
But until that minute ends, I'd like to sit in this toasty room and pretend that we're the kind of people Barb thought we were.
23
AFON
It's so cold and dark that no human in their right mind should be out here.
But I'm glad to be. Hell, it's almost a relief.
Because out here, I don't have to look at her face.
When I emerge from the diner, Wolf rises from where he's been lying against the building wall, tail thumping once against the planks. I crouch and scratch behind his ears.
What a creature he is. He asks for nothing and gives everything. I take a moment to cup his ears and let him nuzzle my chin. I need it every bit as much as he does.
"You're the smart one," I inform him. "Always have been. Though I think you know that by now."
He licks my face in agreement.
Through the steamed glass, I can see Caroline in the booth, hunched over her cold pancakes, both hands wrapped around a mug she isn't drinking from. The line of her shoulders is wrong.
I put that there.We're not together.Two words is all it took to break her spirit.
I did it to avoid danger. That's what I tell myself, at least.
But the reality of it is far uglier than that.
The truth is that I am falling. I have been for a long time now. I've probably been falling since the momentshefell, right into my life. Every night with her arm across my chest and her hair under my chin, I've fallen a little further.
