I was thinking that he looks really, really good for a man pushing forty.
The audience erupts. GOD slaps the desk, delighted. Confetti falls. A producer in a headset wipes away a tear.
PRODUCER
This is some high quality television.
GOD
And that is why I let you smash your face on a rock!
CAROLINE
Wait. What. That's it? That's Your reasoning?!
GOD
Caroline, I have been waiting six months for you to feel something other than grief. Six months! And the first thing you feel, the very first thing, is a hot flash for an ex-Bratva fixer with a throat tattoo?
CAROLINE
This is victim-blaming and I won't stand for it.
GOD
You are not standing. You are unconscious in a pile of leaves.
CAROLINE
I'm… wait, what? I'm not dead yet?
GOD
(leaning in, suddenly tender)
Caroline. Honey. Did you really think I was gonna let you off the hook that easy?
CAROLINE
…Maybe?
GOD
After all that effort? After Plan A through Plan Z? After Guns McTaggart? Sweetheart, please. I have plans for you.
CAROLINE
Are they good plans?
GOD
Well… parts of them.
CAROLINE
That's not reassuring.
GOD
