It is, unfortunately,I really hope he's not looking right now.
Then the ground comes up to meet me, and it brings a rock with it.
Oh.
This is going to leave a mark.
WHAM.
After that, everything goes black.
2
CAROLINE
Is this the light of heaven?
It must be. I asked for an audience with God and it seems I'm about to get it.
He and I have a long list of things to go over. We'll touch on the mosquito issue shortly, and I'd like to also poke His brain about the whole thing where He let both my parents be savagely murdered.
But there's a new, more pressing little nugget that has made its way to the top of our post-mortem agenda. I imagine it'll go a little something like this:
INT. CELESTIAL STUDIO — CAROLINE, dazed but plucky, sits across from GOD, who is wearing a smoking jacket and sipping from a "World's Okayest Deity" mug.
GOD
Ladies and gentle-angels, give it up for Caroline Oglethorpe! Welcome, Caroline! Sit, sit, please. I'm thrilled to have you here. Big fan of your work.
CAROLINE
Thank you, thank you. Big fan of Your work too, mostly. But I do have a bone to pick with you.
GOD
(to studio audience)
Uh-oh, folks! Looks like we're in for it!
(audience laughs uproariously)
Now, Caroline, before we dig in—let's go to the tape. Roll the clip!
A massive screen descends from the celestial rafters. It plays, in slow motion and from an unflattering angle, Caroline mid-fall, mouth open in a silent O, arms pinwheeling, one boot pointed jauntily skyward.
CAROLINE
Oh my God.
GOD
Yes?
CAROLINE
Sorry. Force of habit.
GOD
