His eyes meet mine, his expression hard and unreadable.
“I know how much they mean to you.”
I swallow, feeling a mix of hope and guilt.
For the first time in days, his attention feels almost like it did before, as if he might be starting to forgive me.
He looks away. “I have to head out.”
I nod, swallowing down everything I still want to say to him.
He’s halfway to the door when I realize he’s left the phone on the counter.
“Cormac.” I pick up the phone.
He pauses and looks over his shoulder, clocking the phone in my hand.
His eyes linger on it for a beat before he simply turns and walks away.
It takes me a moment to process that he’s letting me have the phone. If that’s not a gesture of trust, then I don’t know what is.
A strangled sort of sound escapes my lips, halfway between a laugh and a sob.
Today, I won two small victories. Not only will I be able to see Amber and Skye, but I have a feeling that Cormac is finally starting to forgive me.
At least I hope that is it. Because the alternative is that he is letting me go. And I’m not ready to say goodbye to him or Scout.
Chapter Fourteen
CORMAC
Scout is already asleepwhen I push his door open.
The room is quiet, his nightlight casting soft shadows over the wall.
He still refuses to sleep in the dark, and I don’t blame him. After what he’s gone through, it’s a miracle he can even sleep for more than a few hours, though there have been a few nights when I’ve had to climb into bed with him in order to get him to close his eyes.
I creep across the room, wincing when the floor creaks, but Scout doesn’t seem to notice.
He’s curled on his side, clutching the blankets around him. His dark lashes brush his cheeks, and there’s a faint crease between his brows, even in sleep.
I’m meant to be heading out to pay a few visits to some potential contacts in the city.
Brennan is already downstairs, waiting for me in the car, but I don’t want to leave Scout until I can be sure he’s deeply asleep. I don’t reach out and brush his hair out of his face or press a kiss to his forehead in case I wake him. Instead, I hover near the bed, watching his chest rise and fall with every breath, wondering if we’ll ever be able to find a new normal.
I tried to leave him the other night.
Ronan gave me a talking-to, saying that hovering over Scout and acting like he might shatter at any moment isn’t going to help him forget what happened. It will only make it worse. To prove a point, he sent me on a job in the city, but I never got further than the front door.
The panic in Scout’s eyes still haunts me. The moment he saw me leave, he grabbed my jacket with both hands, his knuckles turning white, and begged me not to go. He cried so hard he made himself sick, and it took hours to calm him down.
Ronan hasn’t forced me to leave him since, but I know I will have to at some point, and I want it to be on my terms, when Scout is sleeping and completely unaware that I’m gone.
So, tonight, I’m heading into the city with Brennan to follow up on some leads.
It’s an easy job, and I should be back long before Scout wakes up, but that doesn’t mean I’m not scared to death at the thought of leaving my son.
“I’m here,” I whisper. “I always come back.”
