“I’m saying…” He exhales before reaching for a second rocks glass. “You don’t get extra points for carrying this alone. You never have.”
I look away as I grind my teeth.
If Kieran was hoping to give me some kind of pep talk, it’s not working. The last thing I want is his sympathy.
“You think I don’t see it?” he continues when I stay silent. “The way you take the hit first and absorb the blame and then act surprised when it nearly breaks you.”
“That’s leadership,” I mutter.
“No. That’s martyrdom, and it gets people killed.”
I meet his gaze again, and something unspoken passes between us.
He sighs. “Look, I know we butt heads. But don’t confuse that with me wanting you to fail. If you go down, we all do.”
The words land heavier than he probably intends, but I appreciate them nonetheless.
“I don’t plan on going down.”
“Good. Because neither do I. But if you carry on like this, you will.”
“What do you suggest I do, Kieran? Lorcan doesn’t sit still. Every minute I hesitate, he recalibrates, and I’ve already given him too many.”
Kieran’s eyes narrow as he sets down the liquor bottle. “I get that, but I don’t like watching you gamble like this. You think you’re the only one Lorcan wants to hurt?”
“I know exactly who he wants to hurt,” I growl. “And it's everyone I love. Fiona. Scout. My family.”
“It’s my family, too. And Ronan’s and Brennan’s.”
“I know?—”
“Do you?”
I fall silent.
“Cormac, you know I’m on your side, right?”
“I know. Even if I don’t act like it.”
Kieran huffs a laugh. “Yeah, well, that’s because you’ve got a temper, and I’ve got an even bigger one.”
“I’ve got two ticking time bombs out there, and I’m supposed to keep them contained.”
“And yet, you act like you’re the only one going up against them. You think you’re the only one who has stakes in this game? Because we all do. Every move you make impacts us too, Cormac.”
“I know. I just… I hate feeling this powerless.”
“We’ve got the weapons, the intel, and the manpower.”
“And so far, it hasn’t been enough.”
“This is exactly what Lorcan wants you to do. He wants you to panic, which means you’re more likely to make a mistake. Right now, everyone is safe, which means we have time to regroup.”
“I’m counting on that, Kieran. Because if we don’t win?—”
“We will.”
My phone buzzes again, and I curse as I see Adrian’s name.
