I sound jealous, and maybe I am a little bit considering how much time Kaitlin got to spend with Maddie while she was ignoring me, but I can’t shake the feeling that something’s off about her.
I noticed something from the very beginning. Back at the party, before I ever took Maddie upstairs, Kaitlin acted off around me. It started during beer pong. Every time Maddie laughed at something I said, Kaitlin was watching. But she never showed any emotion. Then we'd all joke around, and she'd force a smile like she was trying to convince herself she was having a good time.
When I finally did take Maddie upstairs, it was almost as if Kaitlin was upset that I was taking Maddie away from her. I don’t know if it's normal for girls to act that way, especially friends that had only just met. Maybe Kaitlin didn’t want to be left alone, or maybe she really didn't trust me alone with her friend.
Either way, my instincts haven't been wrong about much lately, and every time Kaitlin's around, that little voice in my head starts screaming that something isn't right.
“She’s a good friend who cares about me. You don’t have to worry about her, alright? She’s only worried because I told her everything.” Her eyes drop down to the hem of my T-shirt, twisting the fabric between her fingers like she’s searching for the right words. It’s almost as if she’s worried I'll be upset that she told her friend about us.
I wasn’t worried she would tell her. In fact, I figured she would have by now, and I’m not even the slightest bit upset that she did. She needed someone to talk to, someone to be there for her when the person who should have been was the one to hurther. I’ll never forgive myself for hurting Maddie the way I did, but I’m not sorry I found out.
“I’m not upset with you for going to Kaitlin and venting when you were upset and needing to let your emotions out. I would have been more upset if you held everything in and let it all eat away at you,” I say, meaning every word. “I don’t exactly like the way Kaitlin is acting, but it is what it is. She’s entitled to her own opinion of me, whether I agree with it or not.”
She looks up at me, almost startled with my answer, and I can’t help but chuckle at her expression. She makes me want to be a better version of myself. Before Maddie, I was always pissed off at the world. Angry that I lost my parents, angry that I ended up with my uncle, angry that I had to deal with Izzi. Then came Maddie, the calm after the hurricane, leaving nothing but stillness behind.
“Listen, I have something else I need to tell you.”
Maddie tenses up, readying herself for more bad news. “What is it now?”
“This video I have of the stalker, well, it’s not the first time he’s been in my apartment since he fucked it up initially.” Concern flashes across her face, and I can practically see the panic tightening its grip on her all over again. “This is probably the third time he’s been here. He’s been leaving me notes. I want you to stay with me. I just don’t think we should stay here.”
Maddie sighs, gets up from the couch, and begins pacing back and forth in front of me. It’s the response I expected. Every time Maddie gets any sort of information that makes her uncomfortable, she begins to pace. That anxious energy needs to go somewhere. It’s a little quirk I learned about her the first night she stayed here.
“What did the notes say? Do you still have them? Maybe I can figure out who it is based on the handwriting. Where are they? And where could we even stay? I don’t have money for a hotel.”The questions come tumbling out so fast they nearly blend together. She's barely stopping to breathe, her hands trembling at her sides as she paces across my apartment, chewing at her bottom lip until it’s almost white.
I close the distance between us before she wears a hole in the damn floor, wrapping my hands gently around her upper arms. I stop her pacing and tilt her chin towards me. Her wide eyes meet mine, glassy with panic, trying to search for answers I don't have.
“Hey, Princess, look at me.” She swallows hard, but does as I say. “We’re not going to figure any of this out if we start panicking, okay? And don’t worry about money, baby. I’ll take care of everything. Hotel, food, whatever we need. Let me make a call and then we can swing by your dorm to grab your things.” I lean in and kiss her lips, relishing in the taste of her. “Breathe baby. Everything is going to be okay.”
She inhales a deep breath before finally nodding. “Okay, but can you bring the notes with us? I want to look at them.”
“Of course.” She gives me a small nod and sits back down on the couch, pulling up the thread of text messages she received from Kaitlin and starts typing away. Probably letting her know that she’s alright and I didn’t dump her in a sewer.
Pulling my phone from my pocket, I head into the bathroom at the far end of the apartment, shutting the door behind me so Maddie can’t overhear the conversation. I scroll to the contact I need, hesitate for half a second, and then hit call.
“Hey.” I drag a hand down my face as soon as the line connects. “I need a favor.”
20.Madelyn
Kaitlin: I don’t think you should trust him, Maddie.
Kaitlin: After everything he did to you, you shouldn’t give him a second chance. It’s bullshit.
Kaitlin: Maddie, what the fuck, where are you?
Kaitlin: Why aren’t you texting me back?!
Kaitlin: I can see that you’re reading these, bitch. Don’t ignore me!
Kaitlin: If you don’t call me soon, I’m gonna go over there and drag you out of that apartment. Don’t make me do it, Maddie. I’m so fucking serious.
Me: Hey, I’m okay! I’m sorry I haven’t texted you back. Miles had camera footage of the stalker and wanted me to see it. Some other stuff happened too, I’ll talk to you about it later lol it’s crazy! But Miles doesn’t think us staying in his apartment after the stalker broke in a bunch of times is safe so we’re going to be staying somewhere else. I’ll keep you updated.
I feelawful for leaving Kaitlin on read. My phone’s been lighting up with messages from her all day, and I haven’t answered a single one. She just keeps checking in anyway. I’ve never really had a friend who cared to keep trying, even when I’m not answering them, but Kaitlin isn’t the type of person to just give up.
It’s strange, because it’s not like I’ve never had someone like that before. I had Austin once. He wasn’t just my best friend. He was my safe space. My person. The one constant in a life that never seemed to stop falling apart. If something good happened, he was the first person I would want to tell. If something bad happened, he somehow always knew how to make it hurt a little less.
I miss him more than I’d ever let myself admit out loud. But I don’t think I’ll get over him choosing his popular friends over me. Ever since I left Alabama, I’ve tried not to think about him too much. It’s easier that way, less painful. Especially after whatalmosthappened between us. But ever since I thought I saw him at that party, he's been at the forefront of my mind.
