My head felt like it was pulsating. I’d been clenching my teeth, so I loosened my jaw. I took a deep breath to calm down.
Rona continued. “I’m just trying to get my head around what you’re saying to me. So, you’re feeling overwhelmed and you think I need to push myself further in my career, like you’re doing with yours. You think I’m focusing too much on our relationship. Is that correct?”
“Well, yes.”
Rona was quiet for a while. I took the moment to pause as well, worried I’d gone too far.
“You went through such a massive change so quickly, Lily. One minute famous footballer winning awards, next minute high-profile podcaster. You hardly paused at all after your football career ended, and now you say you’re overwhelmed and you think it’s because of our relationship.”
“Like I said, it’s a mix of everything.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Why do you drink so much?”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve been a bit concerned.”
“You have?”
“It feels like you have to have a drink every day and it feels a little problematic. You drink so hard when we go out, too. You can handle your drink well, but is it good for you?”
“I don’t have to have a drink every day. I can take it or leave it. I’m not an alcoholic.”
“I know you’re not an alcoholic.”
“I don’t drink that much. There’s nothing wrong with a couple of drinks in the evening and then a few when you’re out.”
“I worry about you, that’s all.”
I sighed and scratched my forehead. I closed my eyes, struggling to think clearly. “I didn’t realise it was bothering you.”
“It’s not about it bothering me. It’s about whether or not it’s healthy for you.”
“It’s probably not that great, you’re right. I didn’t think it was an issue but maybe it is. A lot of it is unconscious, I guess. Other times, it’s just about relaxing and switching off.”
“I get that.”
“I know you’re only looking out for me, but I do know how to look after myself.”
“I know.” Rona was hugging herself. “We’ve both said a lot. Can we just take a minute?”
I stayed put on the footstool wishing I could walk out the door to end this conversation as quickly as possible. But then, this was my house.
“I hate that we’ve fought like this,” Rona said.
“I hate it too.”
There was a long silence.
“I’m sorry to have to ask but like I said, I do need some space. I’m feeling overwhelmed and I don’t know how to fix it unless I can recharge on my own for a little bit.”
Rona was quiet.
I waited for her response, my heart beating fast.
