“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. Gosh, we’ve both hidden all this from each other so far.”
“Yeah, let’s change that.”
“Agreed. How did you manage to play football through it?”
“A lot of ibuprofen and gritted teeth. There was also the worry of the white shorts.”
“That’s right. Arsenal has white shorts. That must have been a nightmare.”
“Yeah, it’s the last thing you want to be thinking about when you’re playing.”
“God, that must’ve been awful. When I have my period, I’m lucky if I leave my sofa if I can help it.”
“You kind of get used to it. I’m grateful to have my period as it’s so important for health. I know some girls who got so lean their periods stopped. They seemed happy about it because it’s easier. But I’m not sure it’s so great for their overall health and future health, and fertility.”
“Why?”
“What was it that Dr Bright said? Something about the body shutting down periods when it’s starved and choosing to sustain only vital organs. That it fucks with muscle and bone loss, and hair loss, and the balance of sex hormones when you do start ovulating again. I’m not sure though. Need to watch that back.”
“Yes, that’s right, she did. You guys covered so much!”
“You know, talking to you about this now after the interview with Dr Bright, it shows me how important this stuff is and how grateful I am to have a platform to discuss and share about it. I really love this podcast, Rona. It feels like exactly the right thing for me to be doing right now.”
“I love that for you. I’m so happy you’ve found what makes you happy.”
“Even if it takes me away from you more for a while?”
Rona took another bite of pancakes. “Of course. I support you.”
“I know. It’s just I know how disappointed you were this week and about today.”
“It’s fine. I know you’ll make time for me when you have it.”
I nodded, unsure how to proceed. I planned on booking more interviews and throwing myself into this new project even more. “I will.”
“I’m sure a lot of people will find the interview really interesting.”
“I hope so.”
~ 19 ~
Rona
Lily was in the kitchen making us sandwiches. She’d insisted on making them herself. I probably wasn’t the best company right now. I was in a low mood. Everything in my life was feeling wrong. I had very little interest in my music anymore. I didn’t want to work on any of my new material. I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something not quite right between me and Lily, and that Lily was having second thoughts about our relationship and was imminently going to break up with me.
At the back of my mind I knew I was having bad pre-menstrual tension. Maybe it was learning more about it on Lily’s podcast that was making me more aware. Either way, I felt terrible. With my ADHD sometimes my luteal phase was worse than others. I felt things so intensely, good and bad, and when I was in the run up to my period, everything felt a thousand times worse. I did my best to remind myself of this every month, yet it always came as a surprise. This time was no exception.
Lily came back through with a plate in each hand. She placed them on the coffee table in front of us and sat down on the sofa beside me. I was curled up at one end and didn’t particularly want to move.
“What’s wrong? You’ve been off all morning.” She reached over and touched my shin, before stroking my leg with her thumb.
Her touch was soft and comforting, but there was a hardness to her face that was unsettling. Was I doingsomething wrong? I was too scared to have that conversation with her, so I took a breath and talked about my work instead.
“Nothing, but thanks. I guess, I’m not feeling that great about being in the studio these days.”
“Why not?”
“I’m not sure.”
