Laying there wrapped in each other’s arms after that earth-shattering sex, I slowly began to perceive myself again as an individual. There was something in voicing our love for each other that was both obvious and true, but for some far distant corner of my brain, deeply concerning. I was in love with Rona and she felt the same. There weren’t many better feelings in life than this. We’d taken our time with each other and not jumped into anything too fast. We’d got to know each other relatively slowly. We cared about each other deeply. We had mutual friends. Everything we’d been building together was falling into place. I was so excited about being with Rona and our future together, because I could see one. At every stage in our relationship, we’d turned toward each other, drawn to this connection we shared. I wanted this.
So why did I also feel so scared?
~ 17 ~
Rona
“Are you listening, Rona?” Flavia looked at me through the glass. The soft bassline looped again without her vocals, making it feel like the song had gone off the rails.
I cut the music. “Yep, sorry. I’m here.” In fact, I had been daydreaming of Lily and our night together last night. It was the most romantic, the most magical evening.
I love you.
Three little words that meant so much.
“Rona, can we start from the top?” Flavia spoke through the glass.
“Sorry. Sorry. That’s my line.”
Flavia took her headphones off and ran both hands through her long hair. Her vocals were near perfect but she wanted to keep going. Normally, I loved that level of attention to detail in the production, my special interest, but today, I was finding it jarring. Especially since the song was a deeply personal and intimate song about breaking up. The song was so good it was messing with my current loved up state. It was amazing that Flavia was able to write this song and perform it. It was pure vulnerability. I’d done very little to the actual production. In fact, I’d encouraged her to keep her vocals front and centre. The result was powerful. Hence why I’d been trying to block it out so I could remember the feeling of Lily sayingI love youto me for the first time, over and over again.
Flavia came through to the mixing desk. She was wearing the baggiest blue jeans and a crop top. She rested against thedesk, folded her arms, and fixed her gaze on me. Yes, I was a respected music producer, but this was one of the most recognisable young women in pop. I felt like prey in the wild. “You seem distracted. What’s up?”
“I’m lovesick.”
“I thought things were going well with your new girlfriend.”
“They are. I mean sick in the sense that I’ve been struck down by love. I feel like I’m on drugs and I’m no longer functioning normally. I am really sorry I wasn’t focusing just there. But I do think you’ve already laid it all down perfectly.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Love? Let’s back up a bit here. You have to tell me more about your new girlfriend. Who is she?”
Despite knowing a fair bit about Flavia by this point, I did counsel her through a horrific situationship breakup, she knew relatively little about me. I wanted to keep it that way on the whole, to make sure she had space to focus on herself and her craft in here. That was my job. But a bit of chit-chat now that we were making good progress couldn’t hurt. “She’s the former captain of the England women’s football team.”
“Lily Sharpe? You’re shitting me!”
“I am not.”
“She’s the coolest.”
“I’m glad you think so.”
“So you guys are in like the honeymoon phase?”
“I think so.”
A shadow of sadness swept across Flavia’s face.
My stomach dropped. I felt stupid for going on about my new relationship to someone who was still going through the painful emotions of letting someone she loves go. Thiswas why I rarely shared details about my personal life with my artists. “I shouldn’t be going on about it while you’re still suffering. I apologise. I can be so thoughtless sometimes. I really feel for you and what you’re going through.”
Flavia’s expression had lifted already. “Please, it’s okay. My friends should still be able to talk about their lives with me. But thanks for recognising where I’m at and how I’m feeling. It’s all good, Rona.”
I smiled, pleased she felt we were friends and that our bond was still intact. “You’re so mature for your age, you know. It’s okay to be a little pissed off when people are insensitive.”
“Honestly, it’s okay. I’m not pissed off. Just still a little sad. But I’ll get over it. This album, and working with you, is already helping so much. I want to focus on my music, my career, you know? I have a lot to do. I really do want to hear more about you and Lily. Are you guys, like, out?”
“We are to our friends and families. I’m going with her to an awards ceremony thingy soon.”
“When is this hard launch?”
