“It’s not over for you. I think we don’t just do one great thing in life and then stop, we evolve. You might feel like your next step is even better. It might not feel like it right now but you’re going to continue having an impact in life,whether you like it or not. It’s your choice how you approach it.”
I absorbed her words. I appreciated her insight. Nothing had made as much sense to me in a while. “I like the sound of that.” I held her hand and we walked towards the goal. I remembered the first time I played on this pitch and the pride I’d felt that day. How I’d made my parents proud. Maybe Rona was right in that other things would come to mean a lot to me, in time.
“Can I say something else?” Rona gave my hand a gentle squeeze.
“Please do.”
“There’s no time limit in moving on. Like with grief, you might carry the pain of not playing for this club anymore forever. But it will change as it becomes part of you, and in time, it might not hurt so much.”
I stopped strolling. Rona stopped too. We faced each other. I searched her eyes again, feeling like I was falling into them. Where did this woman come from? How was I so lucky to have met her?
Rona shifted on her feet. “Is it okay, what I said?”
“It’s more than okay. I feel so understood. You really get me.”
A slow smile spread across Rona’s face. “I think the former captain of England is going to do great things. Someone as talented and clever as you won’t fade into the background.”
I was smiling now. All feelings of loss over my footballing career were gone, at least for now. In its place was something hopeful about the future, something I hadn’t felt since I retired. The whole afternoon as we were walking around London felt magical. Like we were in the same flow we’d talked about earlier. She was making me believe in anew life I could live. I had a strong feeling that she was going to be a central part of that future, or at least I desperately hoped she would be.
“Will you tell me if I’m going in the wrong direction? I feel like I trust your judgement on these things.”
“I don’t think there are any true wrong directions in life, as long as you aren’t harming yourself or others. It’s all learning, right?”
“See, that’s exactly what I mean.”
Rona laughed. “If you say so.”
“Are you excited for our next thing today?”
“Honestly, everything we do together makes me excited.”
“Good. Because I’m taking you to a fancy restaurant.” I entangled our fingers together and squeezed her hand. “I booked a car and it should be here soon. I know you like the underground and stuff. But I’m trying to impress you so—”
“Everything you do impresses me, Lily.” Rona’s eyes were as misty as mine felt.
There was something locking into place between us. An energy shift. It was undeniable, down to earth, and magical all at the same time.
We headed back into the club, and I had a quick chat with Tony and some other familiar faces. Some of them looked like they were wondering what I was doing here. They all wished me well for the future and I knew it was time to finally let go.
I got a message about the car being here. I was ready to leave and move on with my life, in the fullest sense and just enjoy my evening with Rona.
I didn’t look back when I opened the door of the black SUV for Rona and got in the other side.
~ 14 ~
Rona
I was in my living room watching in awe as Lily was talking on live television in the open-air studio at Wembley stadium. England were playing Denmark to qualify for the World Cup. She was excellent. The camera loved her. She spoke so passionately, and you would never know she wasn’t one hundred percent on board with a career in football commentary. I couldn’t speak as articulately and confidently as that under pressure. It was a real skill that Lily had. She was authentic and inspiring. I still couldn’t believe that this amazing woman was now my girlfriend. We’d decided this during a romantic walk in the park holding hands. It felt almost silly to say it out loud because our connection was already so strong. Labelling it was both retrospective and deeply rewarding to take the next step.
I was glued to the television and didn’t take my eyes off her once.
“These players have given everything tonight and they got the job done, and for that, we should all be proud. World Cup, here we come!”
We’d been seeing each other nearly every day for over a month. We cooked and ate together. We slept together most nights. We were having so much sex I was starting to feel like it was my new favourite hobby. Things were moving fast. Her being away this afternoon was tougher than it should have been. I missed her even though we were only spending less than a day apart and I’d be seeing her tonightin the pub with everyone. I was risking being late for it if I didn’t start getting ready soon.
I overcompensated and arrived early before anyone else was even here. Lily texted saying she was a few minutes away.
My chest felt tight. Everyone was coming – Nell, Vicky, Mathilde, Bouchra, Kaira, Oscar and Jacob. I couldn’t wait to introduce Lily to the boys as they hadn’t met her before, and to be out in the world with Lily as my girlfriend. I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel about it. I really had not planned to get into another relationship so soon after Becca, but what Lily and I had was special. That old cliché of love finding you when you weren’t looking was feeling very true. I didn’t know if it was love yet, but I loved spending time with her and I felt very safe with her. I loved who she was and I trusted her. The sex was amazing. Things were out of this world good in that department. I knew I was in something deep, and that I cared about her very much. But love? That was something different altogether. I didn’t believe it was possible to truly know someone so soon, it had only been a couple of months, no matter how much time you spent with them. We were clearly in the infatuation, addicted, head over heels phase, and I was impressed by my self-awareness, but whether or not this was real love yet was still a question for me. I wouldn’t dare say it to her unless it were true.
