“I’m sorry,” she stifled her laugh. “I love those films. It’s just the way you said it. So earnestly.”
“They’re our cultural heritage.”
“I know. I love them. I haven’t seen Desert Hearts, but I’ve seen the rest.”
“You should come over and we’ll watch it together.”
Rona smiled. “I’d love to. Which one was your favourite?”
“Oh it’s got to be the erotic crime-thriller, Bound. For the plot, of course.”
“I do love a lesbian with a tool belt.” Rona’s eyes were sparkling.
“Didn’t I tell you I’m good with a screwdriver?”
“You haven’t mentioned, but I can totally see that.”
“I don’t have a tool belt, but I have a toolbox and everything. If you ever need some shelves built or something, just give me a shout.”
Rona was biting her lower lip. “I’ll let you know.”
“Good.” I held her eyes.
Rona seemed to be thinking something.
“What is it?” I couldn’t help but ask.
“Nothing.” Rona sipped some champagne. “You know when we were talking before about being on stage? I’ve realised that one thing I do enjoy about playing to a live audience is how time disappears and I’m totally in the moment. It’s like I don’t need to think about how I’m playing. It just comes out of me. I sometimes had it with the band, but it happened less so as time went on and all the shit that I went through. I often get it when I’m DJ’ing. It’s a total state of flow. It makes me feel close to God, or the universe or something bigger than myself.” Rona’s eyes glazed over.
“That’s something I loved about playing football, too. Especially in the high-profile, high-pressure matches. You become totally present and concentrated on the game. Everything else disappears even the crowd sometimes. It’s the flow of the game, my breathing, how the ball feels on my foot, managing the game and the players around me. I don’t know if that’s God-like or anything, but I know that I craved it and I now miss that feeling more than anything else in the world.”
“You’ll get that feeling back one day, Lily. I’m sure of it.”
“Have you got any more gigs planned?”
“No. Just focusing on producing at the moment.”
“It sounds like you like being on stage. I got the impression you hated it.”
“I like the flow state, if I can get there, but I don’t like being in the limelight. It cancels out the flow state for me, usually.”
“That’s a shame.”
Rona shrugged.
We finished the rest of our champagne. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever get that feeling of pure flow back, but I appreciated Rona’s confidence.
I stood up from my bar stool. “Are you ready for your surprise?”
Rona smiled. “Lead the way.”
We headed off towards the underground. I felt even closer to her after our chat at the bar. I wanted to hold her hand but then I didn’t want to draw too much attention towards us.
On the tube, we sat on the small seats facing a row of unfamiliar faces across from us. The side of our thighs touched. I breathed slowly and my heart rate was calm. I felt so peaceful around her. Strange, because other times she made me so nervous.
“Do you hear that?” Rona tilted her head.
“Hear what?”
