I couldn’t wait to see Rona tonight as I turned off the main street to head to the venue she was playing at. Since her album launch, things had been going amazingly well for her. Her album was gaining traction, and she was starting to get asked to do interviews with various newspapers, music magazines, and influencers, as well as invites to play more gigs. I had her music on in the car as I drove, feeling calmer and more connected to her whenever I heard her voice and the catchy beats of her songs.
Tonight, she was playing in Brixton to a sell-out crowd. I saw her play live last week, when she started her mini tour of the UK in Glasgow. She’d been incredible. I’d watchedher take thousands of people through the most energetic, vibrant, creative, and emotional gig I’d ever seen. When I was watching her exude the most authentic and gentle confidence, and hotness, I struggled to equate her with the same Rona who had doubted herself and her ability to enjoy life as a solo artist.
Tonight was her final show of this short tour. I hadn’t been able to make the start because of the match and my commentating gig and had planned on maybe being occupied all day. Parking the car nearby, I was so glad I had chosen to see her tonight. I felt like something was shifting in me, and this gig tonight was huge for Rona. I wanted to be there for her.
Inside the gorgeous old venue, I watched as she did the last few songs in her setlist, effortlessly pulling off her lesbian-in-glasses-who-doesn’t-dress-for-the-patriarchy look. My heart swelled at how brilliant she was and how powerful and emotional and unique her music was. Nell was right beside her, a calming presence, as ever. Nell looked so cool up there too in her sleeveless t-shirt and I-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude. As women playing this type of music and putting such an emotional and queer vibe on top, it felt trailblazing. Rona was the hottest new act and I couldn’t have been prouder of her.
Rona thanked the crowd for being here and for being so supportive of her and her journey to getting to this place. I think she knew some of the fans up the front who had been coming to many of her one-off DJ sets over the last year or so.
“This will be the last song.”
The gig ended in a riot of sound and energy. The crowd asked for another song, but the curtain was down, figuratively, as Rona and Nell left the stage.
Rona’s last song was about the moment you go from loving someone based on the fantasy of who they are, in your mind, to the point in time when they fail you and show you who they truly are, but you love them just the same, if not more.
As I waded through the crowd to get backstage, I let my mind marinate in all things Rona and her beautiful music. Rona and I had gone through what she sang about after our first fight, and we’d come through even stronger. Also, Rona had told me the song was about us. In fact, the whole album was about our love, she had said. Little phrases sprinkled in that we’d said or wrote to each other and moments in time that only we shared. Rona had so much material from which to release albums at this point, so the fact she chose to launch her solo act with the story of us made me feel special.
I thought back to that night we made up after Dr Elena Muller came on the podcast. I was so full of emotion that night and then when Rona played me her new album, and it absolutely killed me with how good it was, I’d started crying.
I’d cried because of how seen she’d made me feel and how lucky I felt to have her in my life, and how stupidly close I’d come to jeopardising it because of my lack of ability to handle emotional intimacy and what I felt was the pressure of a relationship. That was all in the past now.
Since then, Rona had shown me I could breathe in the relationship. She gave me more space, and she let me recharge when I needed. Her new direction with her music seemed to help our relationship click into place. I found I was even more in love with her and needed less time to myself, ironically. We were finding a balance and I couldn’t be happier.
“You came!” Rona held out her arms for me to come into them. “I thought you’d be out with the team.”
I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her into the biggest hug. She was a superstar and I loved her so much in all of the ways, but mostly, for how she was conquering her fears and living her truth, authentically, out, loud, and proud, in her own way.
“The girls are fine without me. I couldn’t miss this. I managed to see your last fifteen or so minutes. I wish I’d been here from the start.” Nothing in the world seemed as important right now than being here to support her. It was such a realisation that my old club winning the league paled in comparison to the talent and strength of this beautiful woman who happened to be mine.
“It’s okay, baby. You had the match. I totally understood.”
“They won the league, by the way.” I smiled.
“Oh wow! That’s amazing! And you still came here?”
“Of course I did. I’m just glad I caught the end. The way you play it is so beautiful. You were incredible.” I kissed her lips, once, wishing I could do more but realising we were in a public place and I was well aware of her desire for privacy. “I am so fucking proud of you, my love.”
She smiled and her eyes sparkled. “I’m just so happy you’re here.”
I watched as she packed up her bag to leave, putting stuff in absent-mindedly. I’d missed her so much. There was a time when I thought some time apart was the type of thing that would give me space, distance, and rest and the chance to recharge, but now I was seeing that I didn’t need those things as much anymore, or that the solution wasn’t isolating myself anymore. I could be with her and still feel like I had the right amount of freedom and space. She nolonger made me feel clung to. She had her own life, and we had our life together because we each had independence. I was seeing it all so clearly now, and for that, I was grateful that I could get to this point and this level of insight.
“Nell’s at the bar with Vee. They want to know if we’re going to join them or not.”
“Can I have a selfie with you?”
I turned around to see a girl asking for a picture. She had a lanyard around her neck like she worked at the venue. “Yeah, sure.”
“Um, no. Sorry. I meant with Rona.”
I blushed feeling like the biggest idiot that ever existed given we were at the stage door to the venue Rona had just played at.
Rona shook her head and smiled. “Sure, no problem.”
They huddled together for a second while the girl took the picture. “Thanks! You were amazing tonight by the way. I love your new album so much. It’s one of my all time favourites. Are you going to bring out more stuff?”
“That’s so lovely to hear. I’m glad you like it. Yep, I hope to release more material very soon.”
“Can’t wait. Hope to see you back here soon!”
