“. . . No.”
She smiled softly. “I know it’s hard to take this step after what you’ve seen from your father. I know it’s scary to do something new, especially if it could change things negatively. But it might help. Do you think that it’s worth a try?”
I looked at my hands. They were clenched so tight that my skin protested. My entire body hurt from what I’d put it through, and my anxieties weren’t even gone yet.
“How would it work?” I asked.
“I have a colleague that I recommend and respect. She’s incredible, and patient, which I think would benefit you. I would send your information to her and recommend she see you as soon as she can. She would evaluate you and offer options. Then you choose what you want.”
I was silent for a long moment, and I bit my lip. “Can I think about it?”
Scarlett nodded. “Of course. I’ll email you with her information.”
“Thank you,” I replied.
“Now, tell me the details about what happened. We can use the remaining time to try to get you feeling better.”
I wasn’t sure anything would help me feel better, but I did what I was asked. Scarlett gave me the same advice I already knew. The same advice that worked in theory, but never helped in the moments I needed them.
When the appointment was over, I tried to breathe through my anxiety.
It didn’t work.
Joey had told me to call him if I was upset. I almost did, but I knew what he would say.
She’s pushing you too hard. Come home.
Even in my own misery, I didn’t want to. I wanted tobeatthis.
The email with Scarlett’s colleague’s information came through and I looked her up. She had glowing reviews, just like Scarlett did. People said that they felt so much better.
I wanted that too, but I was terrified of needing anything to get there.
Pulling my phone out once more, I almost called Joey. Or Mitch. But it was their shared day off. They would be together.
And I wasn’t sure their advice would help.
Then I went to a different contact.
Piper
If there was something I could do to help me feel better, should I do it?
I bit my lip as I waited for a response.
Theo
What kind of thing is this? Legal or illegal?
Piper
Legal. Totally and completely legal. Through a doctor. To help with anxiety.
He typed for a long time. I wondered if he was about to tell me this was a bad idea.
Theo
Is that what you want?
