It didn’t matter that I’d been in therapy. It didn’t matter that I’d worked through so much of this. The second I touched anyone else, I was back in it, as if I’d never escaped.
And it played behind my eyelids. I saw my father lunging for me when I’d done something wrong. I felt the way he would attack me over and over again. I couldhearhis yelling mixing with my own screams.
And all it took to send me back was a simple touch.
The mortification hit hours later.
I was used to this. After the fear faded and my heart ratereturned to normal, I would remember what I did and want to sink into the earth.
My eyelids were heavy. The thick emotions weighed on me, but my mind still spun with how I’d acted in The Reserved Bean.
How would I even face Theo? Had he told the whole town? Was I known as the weird girl yet?
Maybe Joey was right. Moving here was a terrible idea.
A knock on the door pulled me out of my thoughts. I didn’t remember a thing, but I’d fallen onto the couch at some point during my panic and stayed there.
I considered avoiding whoever was outside. But I still wanted to be better, even if I had messed things up.
The last person I’d thought it would be was on the other side of the door.
I saw his wide frame and tattoos and my jaw dropped. “Theo?” I asked.
He was nowhere near the door. He was at the edge of the top step, so far from me that I wondered if he would fall down the stairs.
When our eyes met, he looked just as confused as I was as to why he was here. Then he blinked and came into himself. “Hey, uh, you okay?”
I blinked back. “Why are you here?”
“I needed to check in. You seemed ... scared earlier.”
That was the understatement of the year. My eyes fell to the floor. He had to have questions, and I had no idea how I wanted to answer.
“Listen,” he said. “If I caused that, then I’m sorry. I know I can be a little intimidating, and you already mentioned you were scared of me. But I don’t want you to avoid the shop because of me. That offer of Kelsey taking your order is stillopen.”
I was used to people asking what was wrong withme.I’d never had someone think it was the opposite way around, and this was the second time Theo had done it.
“What? No. You didn’t do anything.”
“Are you sure about that?” he pressed. “Because with the way you left, I thought?—”
“No, that was all me. When our hands touched, it scared me.”
“Oh,” he replied. “Because of me?”
I shook my head. “No, it happens with everyone.”
He slowly nodded, brow pinched as he watched me. “You have a thing about being touched, don’t you?”
“Yeah.” I crossed my arms. “It’s not convenient, obviously.”
“I imagine not,” he said. I waited for the questions, the ones I always dreaded. But they never came. “It won’t happen again. At least not from me. And if anyone gives you a hard time, tell me.”
“Are you sure you want to take that on?” I asked. “I thought you liked to stick to yourself.”
He blinked in shock. “Kelsey told you.”
“It’s also obvious,” I replied. “And while I appreciate the offer, I want to face this. Eventually.”
