“No,” I say with a shake of my head. “I’d be shunned from my colony forever.”
“Wow, Aliko. I’m sorry to hear that.” He looks like he means it.
I nod, but I don’t feel much about it one way or the other. Would it suck? To be exiled like that? Yeah, being part of the colony is all I’ve ever known. Being here is what I love, but being here doesn’t feel like a true fit for me either. I like blending in as a human because it’s easier to learn and be accepted by everyone around me, but this isn’t who I am. Even my other form, the one I use for the stage, is not me. Notreallyme. And it’s not that I wish I were human; I just wish I could be accepted here as the monster that I am. Maybe I would feel better in this form or my stage form if someone knew the real me. If they saw that part of me and accepted me as such. But I wouldn’t even fit down a street comfortably. Land isn’t meant for me, so how can I bemein a place that isn’t built for it?
The guys know who I am; they saw that part of me, but it’s not the same. It’s not like I can be my true self in the band.
“Yeah, it’s not great,” I say, brushing it off. “Playing underwater isn’t a thing. I mean, I tried, but it wasn’t the same. You can’t move the same underwater, and sound is different, but I started coming up on land about two years ago. That’s when I really found music. I danced and sang and played every chance I got. It all kind of just happened.”
“For someone who hasn’t been traditionally taught, you’re amazing. So talented.” He makes a sound between a huff and a chuckle, then takes a sip of his beer.
“Thank you,” I say sincerely.
“It’s the truth. I’m not just blowing smoke up your ass.”
“I know that.”
“Do you?” His tone turns serious. I narrow my gaze in question. “I just mean… you trust me like that?”
“I have no reason not to believe you.”
“Okay. Good. Because I don’t want you thinking I’m just into you because you’re famous.”
Famous? It still sounds weird to hear that word, especially directed at me.
“I don’t think that,” I say firmly, lifting my beer to my lips. I pause halfway and glance back at him. “Into me?”
He smirks. “You caught that? Fuck.” The last word is muttered under his breath as he looks away.
“Hard not to.”
“I’m sorry if it makes you feel weird, I just—”
“It doesn’t,” I say quickly. His gaze meets mine, holding it steady, but I see the caution in his gaze. “I didn’t know you were into guys, but I am… always have been.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes.” I nod, finally taking that sip of beer.
Earlier today, I’d told myself hooking up with my drum tech was a stupid idea. Getting involved with anyone while on tour is dumb, but with alcohol swimming in my veins and Leif looking at me like he’s about to devour me, I can’t seem to care about the consequences—any of them.
His gaze stays on me, hot and steady, as I finish my beer. I put the bottle down carefully, then flick my gaze toward him.
“You want to get out of here?” he asks, his voice low and raspy.
I reach for my wallet, open it up and toss a hundred onto the counter. It’ll more than cover our tab. Then I get to my feet.
“I was hoping you’d ask.”
Chapter Four
Leif
Anticipation has me ready to pass out as we walk back to the hotel together. It’s only a few blocks but it feels like miles. Neither of us speaks a word until we enter the lobby. The air around us is tense but comfortable, like this is something we’ve done a thousand times before but can’t get enough of. Something tells me that’s how it’ll feel after, too. Aliko is just that kind of guy.
“Who’s room are we going to?” I ask.
“Doesn’t matter to me.”
