I say nothing, which she’s apparently learned already to read asyes.
“You’ve been on every level we’ve worked for the last four diurnals,” she continues. “Level four hundred today. Twelvehundred yesterday. The processing floor before that. Every time I look up from a panel, you’re somewhere at the edge of the room with a survey you never seem to actually read.”
I continue to gaze at her, not responding.
“You do not seem menacing, but instead…watchful? Your presence has not bothered me or interfered in my work. On my first day, Security walked me through the whole operation and when we passed you once in a hallway they lowered their voices and told me to stay away from you.” She holds my gaze. “Why did they say that?”
She’s not afraid of me?
I shrug. “They tell everyone to stay away from me. It saves time.”
A smile twitches at the corners of her perfect lips. “That’s not an answer, but it’s a good line. I’ll allow it.” She nods once, like we’ve closed a deal I didn’t know we were making. “Bring me the surveys, Scar. Load histories included. I think you and I are looking at the same thing.”
You and I.I have been the only one looking at this for so long the words don’t fit in my brain. “Tomorrow,” I confirm.
“Tomorrow.” And this time she does go back, hips swaying, across the hallway to her open panel and her waiting brother.
My personal crystal glows that unusual color again, faint and steady, the one I still don’t have a name for. I try very hard not to notice.
Chapter Four
Mara
It’s the fifth day of my glamorous new morning routine.
I’ve discovered I can throw up at seven in the morning and still, somehow, be stupidly happy. I rinse, brush my teeth twice, study myself in the little mirror and smile.
Because I’m having a baby.
And I’m going to be a mom.
Yes, morning sickness sucks and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but this also confirms there’s a baby on the way, growing inside of me each and every day, getting larger.
It’s fantastical.
I keep turning this new fact over like a stone I found in the road that turned out to be a gem. My whole life I’ve wanted to eventually become a mom. I’ve loved the idea of eventually coming to a stage in life where I could slow down a bit and have a husband, children and an actual family in my home. Underneath the classified clearances, competitive hardship compensationand the frequent-transporter aspirations…I’ve always wanted to start a family.
I truly love my job though. Engineering and specializing in power stations is my life’s work and I’ve gone in deep. Starting at eighteen years old I earned a placement in two different, back-to-back, highly competitive internships, then I worked for years as the assistant to a Gravian Engineer on Salo who taught me everything I know. And now, at the age of thirty-three, I’m already considered the best at planetary, large-scale, Illibrium installations, to the point where I’m now working on the actual Illibrium mine on Timbur. I’m good at what I do and I get a lot of joy out of making sure a huge facility hums along beautifully. But another part of me has always wanted a husband and children to round out this lonely life I’ve been leading. And here it finally is, arriving in the least convenient way imaginable, on a mining rock at the edge of the galaxy, courtesy of a man who never wanted to be a father and who considered our relationship nothing more than passing fancy.
But I genuinely, to my own surprise, do not care how this pregnancy originated. Yes, this was a mistake, this child was not planned for and its father is most likely going to want nothing to do with being a parent. I’m going to be alone in all of this.
But…I’ve flipped the script and I consider this a blessing.
I’m simply joyful that I’m going to have my first baby. I haven’t changed my mind on this in the least; I still want to keep this baby. My thoughts on this matter have only solidified.
I grin at myself in the mirror like a lunatic. I’ve got this. This is a child I never expected but am thrilled to have happened. And I can carry and deliver this baby, raise it aloneandfinish this job. Yep. I’m tough that way.
Then I lace up my boots, zip up my uniform, clip on my gear and get to work.
“How are you this morning?” Andrew questions as we take the elevator to the lobby. “You look…tired.”
“Fine,” I smile wide, not mentioning my morning vomit session. “It’s true that I seem to need more naps lately, but other than that I’m good.”
He grunts, looking down at his tablet. Andrew oversees our schedule and does a good job, keeping us on track. “You should go down to the med lab to get that checked out, just in case,” he comments. “We don’t want to be slowed down on this assignment by something that could be fixed right away.”
“No worries, I went down to the med lab yesterday already. They gave me some vitamins and said I’ll be fine.”
He grunts. “Good.”
