“I’m sorry, Ace,” I say. “I’m so fucking sorry. I was going to call you today, but it looks like the media beat me to it.”
He still won’t look at me, but I see his jaw clench and his fingers curl into white-knuckled fists against his knees.
“I need you to understand the big picture here,” I plead, leaning forward, trying to force my way into his line of vision. “This isn’t something that just started. The truth is, I’ve wanted her since Walker. Before she even started dating you.”
That gets a reaction, but he doesn’t turn his head. His chest expands, and his shoulders rise.
“You remember the night you asked her out at the party at our house?” I ask, the memory clear as day in my mind. “I’d been talking to her a lot, and I was gonna take my shot that night. Then you walked over to her, and the next thing I knew, I was in the kitchen, and she was asking if there was a reason not to say yes to a date with you. Then as soon as she walks away, you tell me you’ve asked her out.”
I look down at my boots. “You’re my twin, Ace. I didn’t takemy chance while I had it, so I stepped back. I let it go. And then I saw her at Liam and Alie’s wedding and I just … couldn’t stay away from her. After the first night, I felt so guilty that I walked away from her. But then she showed up on my sideline, and honestly, that was it. It just happened. And she wanted to keep it quiet so she was taken seriously at work, and I kept it quiet because I was too afraid to tell you.
“And the awards ceremony …” I sigh heavily. “I didn’t go because that was the night Eva and I were going to go public. On our terms. But then you called and asked me to go with you, and it just got complicated. I was torn between my loyalty to you and my commitment to her. So I took the coward’s way out and ditched you both.”
I turn my whole body toward him, my hands held out. “Ace, please. Say something. Swing at me. Yell at me. Just don’t sit there and pretend like I’m not here.”
Ace finally turns his head slowly, and the sight of his face tears through my chest. His eyes aren’t angry, but they’re completely bloodshot. There’s a look of profound hurt on his face that drives the knife in deeper.
“You should have told me in college,” he said, his voice completely devoid of his usual mood. “And you sure as hell should have told me when you started seeing her last summer. It’s been what? Since last summer? That’s over six months.”
I try to swallow the lump in my throat. “I know.”
“You never said a word,” Ace whispers, his eyes drifting back to the pool for a split second before locking back onto my face with a weight that makes my head hurt. “You sat by and watched us together for a year. That must have been torture for you if you had feelings for her then. But, even then, you should have told me. We’ve been tied together since the womb. We talk every day. I tell you everything about my life, and I wasn’t getting the same in return. And then you sat there and listened to me talk about going for her again. And still nothing. You had plenty of chances to draw the line, Aston.”
“I just didn’t know what to say. You were torn up for months after your breakup. I wasn’t sure how you would take it, and I felt like I was going against the family or something.”
“You know, I’m not even upset about you two being together,” Ace says, an emotional edge breaking through his flat delivery. “If you had just told me,Hey, I’ve had feelings for Eva since Walker, and we’re seeing each other, I might have been shocked, sure, but I would have dealt with it. Because you’re my blood.”
He stands, pacing along the edge of the pool, his hands on the back of his head.
“But you lied to me,” Ace snaps, turning to face me. “You lied about her, and then you lied to me about the awards. And I knew you had lied about that because I called Scott—you know, our mutual agent—and asked him about it, and he had no idea what I was talking about. I just couldn’t figure out why you’d lied. That was a big deal to me. And I wanted to have you by my side.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, my shoulders dropping. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Yeah, well, I just can’t believe you kept something like this from me. And you let me go on and on about how I thought she was the one." He lets out a humorless laugh. "You already had her, and you sat there listening to me. You let me look like a damn idiot."
I swallow hard but don't interrupt.
"That's not what brothers do."
His jaw tightens before his expression softens.
"The crazy thing is ... I really believed it that night. I thought Eva was it for me."
He shakes his head.
"You know what, though? I never went up to her at the after-party. I planned to. Hell, I was looking for her."
He stares past me, remembering.
"Then I saw her across the room ... and something felt off." He shrugs. "She looked different." His eyes meet mine. "Now I getit." A small smile tugs at one corner of his mouth. "She never was mine completely." He points at me. "But she was yours."
His words hit me square in the chest harder than he'll ever know.
"Ace ..." My voice cracks. "She's always had my heart. But I handled this all wrong. Every damn second of it. And I sure as hell wasn't trying to keep you in the dark because I didn't trust you."
"So what was it?" he asks.
"I was terrified."
