Page 172 of In Love and Revenge

‘Is it because I’m heading back to university in two days, and you’re going to miss me?’

‘Yeah, that’s it.’ I manage a small smile.

He tips his head back and exhales towards the clear blue sky. ‘At least try to lie convincingly.’

‘What?’

He looks at me pointedly. ‘It’s been a month since your scary ex went to hospital, and you’ve not mentioned him, except to tell me he was okay. And he hasn’t been outside your place since.’

‘He went back to London.’

‘I thought that’s what you wanted.’

‘It was.’ I grimace. ‘I mean, I needed time but ...’

‘But you knew where you stood while the poor guy was grovelling on your doorstep.’

‘Oh my God, I’m a terrible person who doesn’t know what they want,’ I squeak as his words hit home.

I did tell Rafael to go home, repeatedly. After I told him to let me go. But now that he’s actually gone ... I hate it. I wanted to forgive him, I really did. But I also wanted to be angry at him first. I wanted to punish him for lying to me and hurting me.

And now he’s given up.

His car is never outside. He’s never waiting beside it when I get home after a shift. The flowers he gave me are all dead and long gone. And the shoes, handbags, and clothes are still in their boxes and bags. I can’t bring myself to wear or use any of them.

The only thing I can stomach is the photograph of Freddie that I carry around in my bag. The bittersweet gesture that he gave me, that I still didn’t respond to.

I let him walk away, thinking a part of me hated him.

But I could never hate Rafael Fairfax again.

I love him more than words.

I blow out a long breath, gazing across the landscaped gardens. We’re tucked out of sight from the guests here, but we can still see the rear of the hotel’s expanse of perfect lawn that leads down to a small lake with swans swimming on it.

‘Now he’s gone, I feel even emptier than when I first left London,’ I say.

‘Ah.’ Joe nods.

‘He said he wasn’t a man who deserves me, but that he would be. I thought that meant he’d be back again. But ... he’s not coming. And I need to accept it.’

‘What are you going to do?’ Joe asks, swirling the dregs of his coffee inside his mug and studying it.

‘Any suggestions?’ I smile sadly.

‘Breed sausage dogs and get rich selling their puppies. Or hosting doggy parties for them.’

‘What?’ I can’t help but laugh as Joe smirks.

‘I’ve seen you looking at that photo you carry around, like a million times. Is that your dog? Did your ex keep him?’

‘No. He belongs to a friend.’ My smile falters. I’m not sure Kate would call me a friend any more, but I won’t know unless I go and see her. Actually see her face to face, not just the apology note I’d posted to her without my forwarding address.

Joe snorts. ‘I swear the people who stay in this hotel wipe their arse on fifty-pound notes.’

I follow his eye line above the trees as a whirring in the sky grows louder.

A helicopter comes into view in the distance.