Page 170 of In Love and Revenge

I thought hearing it would break me. Deconstruct all the years I’ve spent fighting against feelingweak.

But the thought of Auroranotloving me back the way I love her.Notcrying over me.

Suddenly that was worse than anything else I could imagine.

I’ve known for a while that I’m desperately, hopelessly, undeniably in love with Aurora Thorne. She’s seen all of my scars. And loves me because of them. And hearing her cry, understanding that, makes me feel stronger than I’ve ever felt.

I never knew being loved could feel like a miracle and not a burden.

I gaze down at the top of her head. She feels so right in my arms. She always did. I press my lips tightly together, hoping this won’t be the last time I’ll ever hold her like this.

‘I just need to hear your heart beating,’ she whispers.

The sweet uncertainty in her voice makes my eyes burn with tears.

‘I need to hear it,’ she chokes, like she’s holding back tears. ‘You promised me you’d love me until its last broken beat, and I’m making sure you keep your promise.’

Hope flares in my chest.

‘You forgive me?’

She sniffles. ‘I want to.’

My heart sinks.But she isn’t there yet.She doesn’t need to say the words for me to hear them.

I tighten my arm around her, biting back a desperate beg for her not to give up. I need to let her speak.

Even if it feels like I’m dying inside.

‘I want to forgive you,’ she continues. ‘Because I love you. And I promised you I’d never love again. Not like this. And I meant it. I’ll never be able to forget you, even if I want to.’

Silent tears track down my cheeks as I lift my hand and cradle her head to my chest, sinking my fingers into her silky strands. Her words cut deeper than anything else she could have said. I’d rather she told me she hates me, that she doesn’t love me any more. But to hear that I’ve taken her opportunity to be happy and feel love again wrecks me more than anything else she could have said.

I thought disappointing my father was the worst thing that could happen to me.

But it’s not.

It’s disappointing her.

It’s stealing the chance of a future she deserves from her. One where she’s safe to love and be loved the way she should have been when she was mine.

I’ve failed her.

She’s the love of my life. I’d die for her. And I’ve been so selfish – caring about nothing more than getting her back, taking her home, thinking this was some battle to be won – that I couldn’t see what I was taking from her at the same time.

I can’t force Aurora back into my life. She has to come because she wants to. And no matter how hard I try to force her, ultimately it’s her decision. And I need to give her the space to make it.

I sink my nose into her hair, kissing the top of her head. She wants me to rest, but if this might be the last night I hold her in my arms, then I’m going to stay awake and savour every damn second.

And then tomorrow, I’ll do the hardest thing I’ll ever do in my life.

‘What do you fancy for breakfast? Eggs? They’re full of protein. I’ll make you eggs.’

Aurora’s hand is soft beneath mine as I help her slide the key into the lock of her building’s door, as has become our habit.

‘I’m not coming inside,’ I tell her gently.

‘But ...?’ She whirls to face me, her eyes wide. ‘The doctors said you need to take your medicine, and then eat better today and ...’