I swallow. “Not on everything.”
“Come on.” Claire has my arm again. “Let’s go look at the auction lots.”
Zach’s lips part like he’s about to say something, then he grins his gorgeous shit-eating grin. “Go on then, girlies,” he says. “Go and spend some money.”
I smile back, unable to help it. What a dick he is. I’ll always care about him, I realise. Always wonder how he is, or what he’s doing. He was part of my life for too long for me not to. But the part that drew us together is over. I can feel it, like a cut ribbon inside me.
It doesn’t really hurt, anymore.
Not compared to losing Axel.
Claire pulls me through a set of doors into another room, then stops dead. “Wow.”
Holy shit. Despite how crappy I feel, this is completely amazing. One wall of the room is glass, looking out over the city. Images of beautiful hidden places are projected on the three other walls; a pristine wilderness, a cave glittering with crystals, an ice-bound pool with water clear as glass. Ancient stone arches sit at the centre of the room, tables gleaming with linen and glass and silver set around them. There’s also a stage with microphone stands and a lectern. The logo for Myles’s foundation bounces across the walls, the letters MZMF entwined in shimmering white.
The room is getting crowded. I spot Myles settling Zara into a chair at a table near the stage. More famous faces, actors and designers and surf stars, people from the fashion and music industry all mingling in the name of a good cause and a night out.
Claire pulls me towards a massive display which runs the entire length of the room. There’s a spectacular silent auction tonight, part of the fundraising efforts. I purse my lips in a silent whistle as we make our way along the auction table. A Rolex watch gleams in a case. Baskets are stuffed with designer leather goods and high-end cosmetics. There are photographs of gorgeous apartments, a private jet and even a yacht, the sheets below them indicating that the winning bidder gets the use of them for a limited time.
Claire squeezes my arm, giggling. “This is mad, isn’t it?” She stops in front of a gorgeous Hermes bag. “Right, I’m bidding on this. Always wanted one.” She releases my arm and bends over, grabbing a pen.
I continue along the table, idly considering the goods on offer. I might bid on something, just for fun. I wander past more ridiculously expensive items, wondering which one to choose. Then I see a curving sliver of fibreglass, beautifully shaped. I flash back to a dusty workshop, the light feel of a board in my hands, the way it had seemed like a piece of the ocean thrown onto dry land.
A Black Axe board.
It’s brand new, the smooth edges untouched, no wax on the gleaming surface. And, if I’m not mistaken, it’s the one I saw in Axel’s shop the first day I met him. I thought it was perfect for me at the time. I still think it is.
I want it.
If I can’t have him, at least I can have this small piece of him. I can almost see his hands on it, so strong and sure, shaping the smooth curves. Feeling as though my heart is breaking all over again, I pick up a pen, scribbling a number that’s double the previous bid.
It’s a gamble, but I’ve always liked to take chances.
“Do you know where you’re sitting?” Claire comes to join me. I hope she thinks my eyes are bright because of excitement, nothing else.
“No idea,” I say.
“Come on.” She threads her arm through mine again, pulling me across the room. I don’t mind. She’s so nice, and it’s good to have another friend here.
We stop in front of a huge board edged in silver gilt with a seating plan on it. I search for my name on the list. I find it, under Table 1.
“Ooh,” Claire says. “You’re at the bigwigs table, with Myles and Zara. Shame you’re not sitting with us.”
“Yes,” I say faintly, even though I’m glad. As much as I like Claire, I know who’d be at their table, and sitting through dinner and speeches with Zach close by seems like my worst fucking nightmare. Thank God Zara did this for me at least, even if she didn’t warn me that he’d be here.
The noise in the room dies down, and Claire and I both turn. A woman in a shimmering silver suit, cut close to her slender figure, is standing on the stage holding a microphone. Her dark hair is in intricate braids, silver gleaming on her cheekbones.
“Welcome, everyone,” she says. “Will you please all take your seats? The evening is about to begin.”
The crowd murmurs as people head towards their respective tables. Claire squeezes my arm.
“You can hang out with me whenever you like, tonight,” she says. “Just say the word and we can go in that bathroom and gossip or whatever you feel like doing.”
“Thank you.” I smile, my vision blurred. Claire feels like a kindred spirit. I’d hang out with her anytime.
She pats my hand, releasing me, heading towards Bryce. I turn away before Zach catches my eye, and make my way to my table.
Zara is already in her seat. When she sees me coming, she beckons to me, worry in her brown gaze. “I’m so sorry,” she gasps, as I sit next to her, shooting her a frown.
