My heart in my throat, I fasten my leg rope around my ankle, then step into the water. It stings my skin, pulling at me as though hungry. I can’t think too much about what I’m doing, or where Jade has gone. I just know I can’t let this happen again.
I drop the board and start paddling, aiming for a channel I can see, cutting across the rip. I spot a glimpse of turquoise, then, a moment later, Jade’s board, floating free.
Fuck. My heart is aching, my breath heaving, my whole being screaming for her. I cannot lose her, not now.
Not again.
Jade
The waves are huge. Too big. Currents swirl around my legs, pulling me towards the rocks. I turn my board, going with the rip. It’s the only way to break free, letting it take me until I can paddle out of it. Then a massive wave crashes down on me, knocking me off my board. I try to get back on, but bang my injured leg on the edge. It hurts enough that I slip off again.
This is crazy. I’m a professional surfer. I know the ocean, know what I’m doing.
But I came out here blind with anger. I didn’t check the currents, didn’t do anything I should have done. And now, in retribution, she is trying to take me.
Another wave breaks over me, pushing me under so I tumble helplessly, trapped in the undertow. I’ve heard about this, how it feels. The panic, at first. Then the calm, as your body, your breath, surrenders to the ocean. It’s different to the surrender I felt with Axel. That came from feeling safe, feeling held. From having choice. I have none of those things here. Something tugs at my ankle and my leg rope snaps, Dora’s board floating away from me, out of my reach.
That’s it. I’m screwed.
I’m trying to be sad about it. But I just can’t do this anymore.
I’m so tired.
Jasper. I think about my brother. He’ll be all right. Myles will look after him.
Axel. Oh, Axel.
I call for him, as the ocean takes me, wanting his name to be the last thing on my lips.
Wanting my love for him to carry me home.
Shame I’ll never get the chance to tell him how I feel.
I close my eyes, and surrender.
ChapterThirty-Six
Axel
Jade is a dead weight in my arms, her head lolling, her golden hair spreading and swirling in the water like she’s a mermaid. I’m half-sobbing as I pull her onto my board, lying partly on her as I try to steer us straight, keeping us out of the rip. The wind is howling now, cold rain lashing my back, salt water stinging my eyes as I angle us back towards shore.
Please, I pray, as the ocean bucks and heaves beneath me.Please. You’ve already taken someone I love. Please let me keep her.
As though it hears me, a wave comes up behind us, lifting the back of the board, surging forwards and taking us towards the shore. One sacrifice is enough, I think, as I catch another wave, coasting forwards until I can stand, floating my board in.
But Jade is so cold, so still. I can’t bear the thought of it. Of those green eyes closed forever, of her satin skin, so warm and soft, now cold as marble. Forget the fucking hotel, the island. Forget all of it. Jade came into my life like a storm breaking, jolting me out of a prison of my own making. I owe her so much. And I cannot lose her to another storm.
I push the board up the sand, my breath catching as I stumble and fall to my knees next to her. Jade is sprawled across the board, unmoving. I feel for a pulse at her throat, but it’s cold, my fingers sliding on her skin. I put the heel of my hand on her chest, pushing down, sharply. Then I put my lips to hers, tilting her head back carefully, opening the airway so I can breathe into her.
I repeat the process, feeling as though my own chest is cracking open, as though I’d give her my own heart if I could, only to get her breathing again. Terror roils inside me, like a beast. I can’t set it free, can’t let panic take over. All I can do is repeat what I’m doing, over and over again, as though my very life isn’t lying cold beneath my hands.
Then she coughs, her body convulsing. Water dribbles from her mouth, her eyelids flickering. I roll her carefully onto her side, rubbing her back as she coughs and spews seawater. Rain falls in cold needles, both of us drenched, as though the storm still wants to drown us both. But she’s alive.
Though not out of danger. Secondary drowning is a possibility, and she needs to get to the medical centre. I don’t want to leave her alone on the beach, but I need help.
“Axe?” Her voice is a rasp. “H-help me get inside.”
“You sure? Do you hurt anywhere?”
