Later, my stomach full of good food and my arms filled with towels, I wander down the winding path towards my new guest’s cabin. Fairy lights sparkle in the trees; I notice a couple of blown bulbs, and make a mental note to replace them tomorrow. There’s a light on inside, soft gold shining through the timber shutters. Good. She’s settled in, then. I step onto the veranda, raising my hand to knock.
I pause. A sound comes through the timber panel, soft, rising up and down like the sea. I listen for a moment, then put the towels down quietly and walk away. But as I head back to my place I’m frowning, something tugging at my chest.
Like I say, this is a healing place. And people come here with all kinds of problems to sort through. So I shouldn’t be surprised that my new guest is spending her first night here in tears.
The surprise is that, for some reason, I want to help her.
ChapterFour
Jade
Eating breakfast in a small hut on a tropical beach is not a bad way to start the day. Even if I did break up with my boyfriend the night before.
I did it by text, too. The Wi-Fi here is iffy, just as Anna said, and after my fourth attempt at FaceTiming Zach, which ended up with him showing me his erect cock and laughing, I gave up.
I can’t be with you anymore. I’m sorry.
That’s all I wrote. I didn’t know what else to say. How can I sum up almost four years where I loved him and hated him in almost equal measure? I sent it, then put my head down and cried it all out, relieved as much as anything. I fell asleep, eventually.
When I woke this morning, I checked my phone. Nothing.
It hurt, of course. But then I suppose that’s Zach. He’s probably already moved on to the next girl. Still, there’s a sting in my chest at how he can so casually walk away from everything we were together.
I squeeze more lime over my fresh papaya, chewing the soft sweet flesh thoughtfully. The shutters are open, the blue ocean beyond calling to me. I slept well, despite not having had a drink and everything that was going on with Zach. I suppose I could put that down to exhaustion. But I feel curiously refreshed in a way I haven’t for a long time. I don’t have to see anyone, be anywhere, do anything. The day is all mine.
Then my phone buzzes furiously, as though it’s possessed by an angry bee. I jump, staring at it. Messages start to pop up on the screen.
What the fuck, Jade?
Are you joking with me?
This is bullshit. After four years?
You better fucking answer me. What the hell is your problem? Is it the other girls? I can stop that, though I thought you liked it too.
I still love you. I thought you loved me too.
Fuck. Where the fuck are you? Manny says you’ve taken off somewhere.
FUCKING ANSWER ME
Shit. I realise what must have happened. The Wi-Fi must have cut out overnight, and just come back in. And Zach thinks I’ve ditched him and then ghosted him, because I didn’t reply. The sting in my chest becomes fiercer as more messages pop up. He’s hurting.I’vehurt him.
But then I think about all the times he’s cheated on me, dicked me around. The fights he’s been in over other girls. But he’s never fought for me. Always just assumed I would be there, would go along with whatever fantasy he wanted to play out. And I let him do it.
The sting in my chest is the same hurt I felt every time I watched him fuck some other girl, read another rumour about him, had to smile and play nice for the cameras even when I wanted to slap him. It’s time to let it, and him, go. I pick up my phone.
I’m here. Wi-Fi not great. I’m sorry.
I wait. Three dots appear. I don’t think I want to read whatever he’s typing. I write another message.
I’ll always love you. And I hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for. I just don’t think it’s me. I wish you peace.
Then I switch my phone off and go outside. I need a surf.
The ocean is where I go when I need space. It always has been, since I was a child and things at home were difficult. I would run down to the shore and scream my frustrations at the blue waves, letting them carry everything away.
It’s where I met Dora.
