Because I knew it wouldn’t last.
Chapter 23
An Oasis
Cerise
“Stop trying to plan out every detail of your life and just live.”
I couldn’t get Liam’s words out of my head. How did he do that? Always say the exact thing I needed to hear at the right moment?Chase your joy. Just live.This man was full of little inspirational quotes. I wonder if he said things like that to students too.
Probably. And I was certain they loved him for it.
We walked through the jungle, the sun now high in the sky but luckily blocked by the dense canopy, bringing tremendous relief against today’s oppressive heat and humidity.
We’d gone to bed last night without another word, both of us stewing in everything that had happened. There had been little talk today too, Liam unusually quiet. I supposed he was waiting for me to say something.
I didn’t even know where to begin.
I wanted him. Desperately. More than I had ever wanted a man in my entire life. His endearing sense of humor. The way he always knew what I was thinking, even though it made me feel raw…exposed. That unruly hair I wanted to brush my fingers through. His captivating green eyes that peeled back my layers every time he looked at me.
Unfortunately, Liam was right. I was scared. There was no way this could work between us. I didn’t think I was ready to let go when I got home. I didn’t even knowhow.
But maybe—just maybe—I could let go a little more while we were here. Away from the expectations and confines of academia.
“I desperately need a bath,” Liam said, jarring me from my musings.
“We both do.”
Though we’d done our best to wash a few times whenever we came across a stream, the water had been so cold we hadn’t lingered. And having to put our dirty clothes back on after each pitiful cleansing attempt just made it worse.
We both smelled dreadful.
“I miss coffee,” I complained.
“I miss my warm bed.”
“I miss my cat.”
Liam turned to me. “You have a cat?”
“Yes. His name is Arthur.” My heart squeezed at the thought of him. Though I knew he was safe, I missed him tremendously. I longed to hear his little chirps and purrs as he waited patiently for his nightly treat.
“Who’s watching him?”
“Emberly’s wife.”
“You’re close with Emberly, then?” Liam lifted a low hanging vine for me to pass beneath.
“Very. She’s my best friend. We met in graduate school, then applied to work at the same university just to be near each other. I…I don’t have many friends, but she and her wife have been there for me for a decade.”
And they had been. They’d been there when I broke up with Ambrose. When I spiraled after my monthly dinner with my mother that would inevitably end with her hinting at her disappointment in me. When I worked myself too hard and got lost in the throes of projects and papers.
They were the ones I did let loose with. The ones I laughed and cried with.
“What about you?” I asked. “Close friends?”
He gave me a wide smile. “Quite a few. I’m a social person, if you haven’t figured that out.”
