A tear made its way down my cheek, but I powered through. “And then you returned here, years later?” I had to get more information out of him before he shut down completely and after hearing that, I knew I had to help this poor ghost find peace.
“I returned once a year,” he whispered. “I used all my savings so I could stay for one weekend a year, placing one single pink rose where they found her. Each year on the day of her death.”
I swallowed. “And then you eventually died here?”
He nodded. “I knew it was coming; I’d already spent too many years punishing myself for not taking that sign seriously. I felt it was time. So, I bought a month’s stay in the cabin, and then waited until I fell into my last sleep.”
Punished himself?
“Wait,” I began. “You punished yourself for what happened to Marianne?”
He nodded. “It was my fault. She trusted that I checked our surroundings while she gave all her attention to the fox. I’d been too blinded by her happiness to protect us. She was too young to die.”
“But it was an accident,” I argued. “You couldn’t have known that an avalanche would happen.”
He held up a hand to stop my protests. “I’ve accepted that I was to blame for it. And I’ll never forgive myself for losing the love of my life.”
“Is that why you’re still here?” I asked, slowly piecing everything together.
He nodded again. “And I’ll stay here. It is my punishment.”
My mouth opened to form yet another protest, when the door opened and a shivering Dylan stormed through. I hurried over to him, resisting the urge to hug him and kiss him until we were both breathless. Hearing Jørgen talk about the loss of his wife made me appreciate having Dylan so much more. I’d never once taken him for granted, but now I had to show it more.
“It’s fucking cold out there!” he exclaimed, letting me help him with his backpack. “I hope you’re okay with some fajitas, my mind forgot all dishes I’ve ever cooked or eaten once I was in there. I found the spice mix for fajitas and that’s the only reason I remembered that recipe.”
I snickered. “I would love some. We can make a list before we go tomorrow.”
“We need to,” he said, eyes big. “Lists are essential in a store like that.”
Shaking my head fondly at him, I slowly opened his jacket and helped him out of his shoes. They were hard on his stitches with all the unlacing that had to be done. Then we walked into the kitchen and began cooking, him handing me stuff so he didn’t need to wash his hands and irritate his palms and me talking animatedly about what we would watch on the TV while we ate.
Jørgen disappeared from view and I was glad for the privacy as we cooked together. His story had left me with an aching heart and I was even more determined to help him out tomorrow. I planned on leaving this cabin with Jørgen at peace in the afterlife. With his Marianne.
After eating and watching a lovely—yet sappy—holiday movie, we got our hot cocoa and just basked in the silence. It wasn’t until I heard soft snores coming from Dylan, that I realized my poor man had fallen asleep.
I slowly untangled from him, leaving him on the couch with a blanket over him, then went to search for Jørgen. I found him in the bedroom, staring out the big window from the bed. It seemed he enjoyed watching the snow, or perhaps he was punishing himself by looking at it…
“Hi, Jørgen,” I greeted, closing the door softly behind me. I’d left the TV on so Dylan shouldn’t be interrupted by me talking.
“Oh, hello. Should I leave your bedroom?” he sounded so apologetic that it actually hurt. How could this kind ghost continue topunish himself when he so clearly loved his wife? I guess if you told yourself something for long enough, you’d start to believe it.
“No, I just wanted to talk to you some more, if that’s okay?”
He seemed to deflate at that. “I fear I don’t have more to say. I made the biggest mistake and nothing will ever change that.”
“You could go into the light,” I suggested. “And return to Marianne’s side.”
He winced. “I don’t deserve heaven, and I don’t deserve a kind and wonderful woman like Marianne. She’s better off in heaven without a weak man like me by her side.”
I studied his expression. “You truly believe that, don’t you?”
He nodded. “I can see the light to my right, always have. But I know I don’t deserve all the things it’s promising me. Peace, love, contentment; those are all things someone like me shouldn’t get.”
“What would Marianne say, if she heard what you were saying just now?”
He sighed, then gave me a pained smile. “She felt everyone deserved forgiveness. Which is why I’m glad she isn’t here to see me. My punishment isn’t something I did for her, I did it for me, because who else would make me suffer for what I’d done?”
“Jørgen,” I breathed, feeling my eyes tear up again.
