I stand up, moving toward the door to leave.
But he blocks my way, holding out his arm like a bar.
“Get off of me,” I mutter, shoving him.
He shoves me back, the same way we used to fight as kids. “No. You need to talk to me. What are you doing with him?”
“Why do you care so much?”
“Because I’m going to be the one picking up the pieces when you go off the deep end,” Julian says. “Because I always am. When Logan inevitably goes back to Los Angeles, am I going to get a call that you’re in the hospital?”
“So you do think I’m going to relapse, huh?”
“Maybe not with substances. Maybe just with hurting yourself.Hatingyourself, when this fucking implodes.”
“Damn. You’re already betting against me and this thing with Logan has barely even begun.”
Julian puffs out a bitter laugh. “See? You’re referring to it as athing. It’s not even serious, is it, Chase?”
“Maybe it fucking will be,” I tell him firmly. “You’d rather cut me off before I even get a chance to try?”
He pauses for a moment, silence hanging in the air in a way that feels like it’s suffocating me.
“After Logan left last year, I thought you were going to self-destruct?—”
“Of course you did.”
“Let me talk. I thought you were going to self-destruct but instead, I saw you become the strongest, most stable version of yourself I’ve ever seen. Your art is incredible. You’re dedicated. Hell, even in the fucking gym, you’ve been unstoppable. And it’s sure been a while since I had to rescue you from a hospital bed, too.”
“You’re trying to say I’m better when I’m not around Logan?”
“I’m trying to say I don’t want you to lose yourself again,” he tells me. “I couldn’t take it.Momcouldn’t take it.”
“Don’t use Mom to try to guilt-trip me. Mom would fucking love Logan, and you know I’m right. She’s practicallyYard Line’snumber one fan.”
He lifts his eyebrows. “She doesn’t know how badly you’ve been hurt, Chase.”
Something kicks in my chest.
I reach out and in a snap, I try to push past Julian again. He grips the front of my shirt and stops me from leaving. He releases me, glaring like a fierce tiger, like he’s challenging me.
“You’re right,” I tell him. “Mom doesn’t know what Dad did to me. But that has nothing to do with Logan.”
“It has everything to do with him. Logan makes you feel like you’re not a fuck-up, doesn’t he? He actually recognizes your talent. He likes whoyouare. But you need to realize that being obsessed with someone isn’t going to fix you. You’re valuable with him or without him. Would youknowthat, if he ditched you and went back to LA? Cutting you out of his life?”
“Logan wouldn’t cut me out.”
My throat feels tight as I say it.
Because I know what Julian’s going to say.
“He’s already done it once,” he tells me, and I want to claw out of my own skin. “And I know you. I know you’re more obsessed this time, even without any substances involved. You’re barely at home anymore because you’re at the Bellwood, hoping he’ll have time to hang out with you, and when you do come here you only talk about him.”
“Fuck this,” I mutter under my breath.
All of the fight inside me suddenly feels like it’s been zapped away.
And I’m justdone.
