All of them scared.
All of them showin’ up anyway.
Me?
I was sittin’ here watchin’ my phone like a teenager, hopin’ it buzzed with a name I swore I wasn’t pressed over.
“Where your head at?” Fee asked, lookin’ at me.
I shrugged. “Just takin’ it in.”
“You thinkin’ ‘bout Roman,” Charlee said. “I can see it in your forehead.”
“I’m thinkin’ ‘bout all of y’all,” I corrected. “How life not waitin’ on none of us to be ‘ready.’ It’s just… happenin’. Babies. Weddings. Niggas.”
“And you?” April asked softly. “What’s happenin’ with you?”
I hesitated.
“I don’t know yet,” I said, honest for once. “I been so busy tryin’notto fall into nothin’ that I might already be in it and just refusin’ to say it.”
“Girl, we been knew that,” Charlee said. “You late.”
We laughed, but my chest felt tight.
Because the truth was startin’ to feel too big to keep hidin’ behind jokes.
Roman had actually pulled back.
No random pull-ups this week. No cars lurkin’ outside nobody house. Just simple, steady check-ins.
And instead of feelin’ free, I felt…Seen.
On my terms for once.
I glanced at the banner again.
DOUBLE THE BLESSINGS.
Everybody in my life was steppin’ toward somethin’ that scared them.
Maybe it was time I stopped pretendin’ I was the exception.
‘Cause the more I watched my girls walk into they next chapters scared but honest, the more it hit me:
I could keep runnin’ from Roman forever.
Or I could finally stop actin’ like he wasn’t already holdin’ pieces of me I hadn’t given to nobody else since I got my heart broke.
And if I was really honest with myself?
I was tired of runnin’.
Even if I wasn’t quite ready to say that out loud yet.
Pullin’ back felt like a detox.
Shit had my skin crawlin’.
