Melissa sat next to me, grabbin’ a throw pillow and tucking it behind my back. “You good?”
“As good as I can be,” I said. “I swear, I did not know bein’ pregnant with two was gon’ feel like this. I be tired from breathin’.”
She smirked. “You look cute though.”
I rolled my eyes. “Lies. I look like a sexy recliner.”
We both laughed.
After a second, the quiet settled in.
Melissa started straightenin’ some stuff on the coffee table, but I could tell she kept peekin’ at me.
“What?” I asked.
She shrugged one shoulder. “You been sayin’ little slick shit all week. What’s really goin’ on? And don’t say ‘nothin’,’ I’ll slap you.”
I let out a long breath.
It was easier to make jokes than to say what I was really feelin’.
But we was at her house, she’d opened it for my baby shower, and I was tired of holdin’ it in.
“I’m scared,” I admitted.
She went quiet, eyes on me.
“Like… regular new mama scared, or ‘I think I made a mistake’ scared?” she asked softly.
“A little bit of all the above,” I said, rubbin’ my belly. “I love ‘em already. That’s not the issue. I just… I don’t know if I’m enough for two at once. I don’t know if me and Trend gon’ be enough together.”
Melissa’s face softened. “Y’all good?”
I laughed, but it came out tight. “We… alright. But he been… distant.”
“Trend?” she asked. “He be at everything.”
“Yeah,” I said. “He show up. Doctor appointments, ultrasound, all that. But soon as that’s over, he gone. ‘I got work. I gotta handle this. I gotta slide over here.’ I know he grindin’. I know he tryna make sure we straight money-wise. But in my head, it feel like a preview of what it’s gon’ be like when these babies get here.”
She nodded slow. “You feel like you ‘bout to be at home drownin’ in diapers while he out.”
“Exactly,” I said. “I keep picturin’ myself up at three in the mornin’ with one screamin’ and the other one wide awake, and he somewhere else ‘providin’.’ And then I feel guilty for even thinkin’ like that, ‘cause he not out here doin’ dirt. He just… workin’.”
My voice wobbled.
I looked away, blinkin’ fast.
“I ain’t wanna be that girl complainin’ when she got a good man,” I said. “But sometimes it feel like he more in a relationship with ‘the grind’ than with me.”
Melissa was quiet for a second.
“Have you told him that?” she asked.
I scoffed. “Kinda. But every time I start, it turn into an argument. He be like, ‘So I’m wrong for tryna make sure my family eat?’ Like, no, nigga, that’s not what I said. But he hear that anyway. Then I end up apologizin’ when I was the one hurt.”
A tear slid down my face. I wiped it quick, annoyed.
“I been cryin’ over everything,” I spoke in a sad tone. “It’s pissin’ me off.”
