I know what she is doing, and I’m not rising to it.
“As you know, AJ and I have been friends for almost two decades.”
Fuck.
“Almost two decades?You’re going on like you’re in your late fifties.You’re barely twenty-one.You can just about drink in the States, if you wanted to.”
Still not rising.
“Yes, well.That’s fine.”I chew my lip, not wanting to say more.“And we’re not going to have sex, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
Double fuck.
“Sure.And I’m not going to go back to my wife tonight and use our special toys.”A playful smile blooms on her lips.“Look, I’m busting your balls, but I’m happy for you, just look after that heart of yours, okay?”
“Thank you,” I say, because that’s all I can think of that isn’t images of AJ in all his naked glory.
With a few hours to kill, I finish up listening to my record player,Black Sabbathis belting out classics, I’m heading over to AJ’s for dinner, and I’ve had a weekend filled with football.If I didn’t know any better, I’d think I’d been transported back to my childhood, which admittedly wasn’t long ago, but it also seems a lifetime ago.
I check my phone, and it tells me it’s 6:00 pm.Time to get ready.I don’t know why I’m nervous.I have made it abundantly clear that I don’t want a relationship while I’m playing football.I’m not even in my prime yet.The world's greatest striker played into his early forties.
Can I go twenty years of being alone?Why am I only realizing this now?I could do what my parents want and find a nice woman, but I’m not bi.And that would be cheating on my heart.Why is this so hard?I punch the wall in frustration and wipe bits of the wall off my knuckles.Coming out is hard.Coming out when you’re one half of the world’s most hyped-up football prospects.Add in that we’re currently embroiled in a fighting scandal?Yeah, that’s pretty bad.I take a deep,deepbreath and get ready, trying to clear all of this from my mind.At least for one night.
Standing outside AJ’s parents’ house brings a flood of memories back, and it warms my heart.My happiest childhood moments are in this home.I ring the doorbell and before I know it, I’m being swept into a gigantic bearhug by AJ’s mum.
“Kyle!Look how you’ve grown.And my, my, you have gotten more handsome.”She leans into me and whispers conspiratorially in my ear, “AJ is one lucky guy,” and drops me a wink.
“MUM.”AJ appears from around the door, looking sensational in a white button down and black jeans.
“Ky, I’m so sorry.My mother and I had a private conversation.Private,”he says again, eyeing his mum.
“Well, Dad knows too.”
“MUM!”
“It’s not good to keep secrets, son.Come on in Kyle, make yourself at home, love, like old times.”There’s that phrase again,old times.It makes me feel warm and nostalgic for a simpler time.
AJ whispers sorry to me again but it’s actually okay.The world hasn’t exploded.No one has died.I haven’t grown another head.And most importantly, AJ’s parents still want me here.Coming out to AJ’s parents before my own also feels right, safer.
I make my way into the kitchen, and AJ’s dad is finishing up dinner, proper beef stew and veg…just likeold times.
I clear my throat, very aware of the sound bouncing off the wall.Everyone turns to look at me, smiling.
“I um, so.What I’m trying to say is, you don’t mind that, um.”What the fuck are words?I take a deep breath, and AJ is beside me, rubbing my arm, in front of his parents.He feels like a tether.
“You don’t mind that I’m gay?”
“Gay, dear?Of course not.Come here, love.”Before I know it, AJ’s mum has me in another bear hug.
“Don’t bother me, either.Better to keep it under this roof, though, you know, to be safe.”AJ’s dad turns around and finishes stirring the stew.That’s that then.I can’t help but feel my heart deflate.
“Dad.I have told you, it will be fine, and besides, Kyle and I are not dating.I will, however, be coming out on my own terms soon.I am not having people thinking I’m some thug who beats up their teammates.”I love it when AJ gets passionate.He gets a crinkle in his forehead and his ears go a shade of pink, like he’s embarrassed to have feelings.
His dad sighs.Clearly this has been a source of tension between them, and I don’t feel it is my right to get in the middle of them.
“Let’s not focus on any of that tonight, shall we?I want us to all have a nice meal.Kyle, dear, how’s the family?Are they keeping well?”she asks, taking a seat at the kitchen island.
I follow suit and say, “Yeah, they’re good.I’m due to visit them this weekend, I’ll tell them you said hi.”I’ll tell my mum, but not Dad; he still hasn’t forgiven AJ for playing for City and for “diving” in the final.Oh, and he thinks he’s gay, so there’s three strikes against him.
