“You’ll make a fine coach yourself one day,” Danny said, greeting me with a back-slapping hug. “Good to see you, Mat.”
“Hopefully, not my coach.” Nico rolled his eyes. “He would be insufferable.”
“Unfortunately, I think that’s half the job,” the man who was obviously Tomas Cheverall said in an accent trapped somewhere between British and Australian yet managing neither. “Beinginsufferably right about things because it’s easier to see what’s going on from the outside.” He held out his hand to me. “You must be Matteo. I’m Tomas. It’s good to meet you.”
I could have said, ‘yes, I know, when Danny suggested you, I looked you up’, but sometimes honesty sounded creepy, so I said, “Hi, good to meet you too,” as I shook his hand. I introduced Nico, and for a few minutes the conversation was general and icebreakery. Until Danny asked Nico how he felt about making the jump from under-twelves to under-fourteens and I took that as my cue, casting an appraising glance at Tomas.
He had very little coaching record to speak of, though given his age that wasn’t surprising. As a player, he’d had one of those solid but short careers – two titles, one amazing run at the US Open, a career-high ranking of thirty-two, and an early retirement due to injuries he couldn’t shake. I’d dug up some old match footage and articles about him, scoured his practically non-existent social media presence, and asked Miles what he knew about the man. His very helpful reply had been,tomas who? you’d better not have found a new charity case for your pre-match railings.
“So,” I said. “If being insufferable is half a coach’s job, what’s the other half?”
He grinned a little ruefully, realising he’d walked face first into what was essentially a job interview with that opening line. “I think the other half is a lot of things, but I suppose if I had to sum it up, then it’s player management. You’re the one who has to go out there and make the magic happen, and perfecting the skills is only half the battle. The rest is in your head. And your heart. You’ve got to want it and you’ve got to believe you can take it.”
“And how do you achieve that?”
“That depends on the player, of course, but, well, if we’retalking about you, then I think working through what your accident left you with will be an ongoing process. This streak you’re on is great, but you need to build long-term resilience and confidence.”
God, that sounded like exactly what I needed. I didn’t want to say so though, at least not yet, so I just nodded.
“And, uh, while I’m diving right in with my opinions and all that,” Tomas went on, flicking a glance at Danny and Nico as though to be sure they weren’t listening. “I want to admit that I’m one of those guys who made your life harder.”
“What do you mean?”
Tomas shrugged, smile apologetic. “I mean that I could have come out when I was on tour and I didn’t, because it was easier.”
“Oh. Well, I appreciate you being upfront about it, but I can hardly blame you,” I said. “Sometimes, I wish I hadn’t, though mostly I’m glad I did. And glad I did it when I was young and stupid and fearless.”
“It’s pretty meaningless at this point, but for what it’s worth, I’m glad you did too.”
I glanced Danny’s way, wondering whether this had been a happy accident, or whether he’d realised in the years he’d coached me that as much as being gay had nothing to do with tennis, the tennis world made it into a problem – one only I had to manage, and which he was ill-equipped to help me with.
It was harder to be objective after that, because the prospect of having a coach who understood how shitty the little microaggressions were on top of all the rest was extremely appealing. At the beginning of the day, I hadn’t been sure I was ready to take on a new coach so quickly and certainly not sure I was ready to travel with one, but by the time we finished the session, a small bubble of excitement had grown in my stomach – a feeling of possibility, like I’d been given a glimpse of a future I could actually grasp.
Danny grinned at me once Tomas had departed. “You like him.”
“Yeah, I like him.”
“Good! What you need is going to change with your career, but for now you need someone bold and energetic who’s good with the mental side of the game, and I think he’s your guy.”
“So, you didn’t pick him because he’s gay?”
That earned a sheepish shrug. “It wasn’tthereason, just one of many. I know I’ve stuck my foot in my mouth many times and you deserve better. Like I said, that won’t always be important, but maybe it’s important now.” He tilted his head, a smile growing. “Now, how about that physio? It’s short notice so I’ve only found a few and most are pretty recent graduates, but—” He pulled out his phone. “I had a chat with a guy yesterday who’s been doing great work with one of the footy clubs – already forgotten which. The Bears, maybe?”
“Pretty sure they stopped existing before I was born.”
Danny waved this off. “All one to me. Sport needs a racquet. Anyway, he’s ready to walk due to disagreements with the S and C coach. Doesn’t think player safety is being prioritised. Likes the sound of travelling around instead of seeing only the inside of the same stadiums. If you want him, I think I can get him.” He handed over his phone, on which he’d opened a list of qualifications.
Taking on a physio as well as a coach would be a big change, but I had to believe. Had to say fuck you to that damn fear.
Although, I could still do with a little push.
Miles C
Hey, was my streak at Wimbledon just a one time thing?
no and you know it, idiot
Tell me to hire the new coach AND the physio for this swing
