“You have got to be kidding,” he said eventually, and threw up his hands. “What else do you think is happening here?”
“I don’t fucking know, okay? You confuse the shit out of me. I don’t even know if you like men!”
At my raised voice, a woman walking her dog glanced over as she passed, because apparently the evening hadn’t been sufficiently horrifying already. Worse still was the sight of Miles’s brows disappearing into the soft fall of his hair in the most flagrant expression of disbelief. “Mat . . . we aren’t seriously having this conversation, are we? Do you think I’m just immediately amazing at everything I do first try?”
“What? No.”
“Oh, good. Then tell me, was that an amateur blowjob? Or the work of someone who has hada lotof practice?”
I went on staring at him, my cheeks reddening as what should have been immediately obvious finally clicked into place. That ignoring it had been an act of self-preservation didn’t make it any less embarrassing.
Clearly seeing he had gotten his point across, Miles added, “Do you know how long it takes to desensitise a gag reflex? You are not my ten-second gay panic. If I’m having one, I’ve been having it continually for quite some time now.”
“So . . . you’re gay?”
Miles folded his arms again, light fast draining from the pink-streaked sky behind him. “What do you think?”
“I don’t know, you might have some bi in you,” I said, deliberately repeating his words from that first night when, I realised, he’d probably been trying to figure out where things stood with me and Katie.
“Not a single iota I’m afraid,” he returned, throwing my own words back with a smile.
But while it was a relief to know he hadn’t been messing with me, I could manage no answering smile. “And this is how you choose to tell me?”
“I thought making you come in my throat was the only announcement you needed. I didn’t realise you were going to turn it into a crisis.”
If I answered, I would snap something regrettable, so instead I forced a laugh and snatched up the basket. It wouldn’t take long to collect the balls, but perhaps long enough to let me shake away my irritation. It was none of my business whether he chose to come out or not, yet I couldn’t but think how much easier my life would havebeen with someone to share that particular spotlight – two gay players far less interesting than only one.
Perhaps sensing I needed a moment, Miles stayed leaning against the fence rather than help, leaving me to walk slowly around the court retrieving balls like each was a piece of the unjust anger I needed to pack away. Because if I didn’t, this—whatever it was—would be over before it began.
I returned to find him doing his quiet, watchful thing, his eyes made even darker by the lengthening evening shadows.
“Going after me,” I said, repeating his words as I set the basket down. “So, did you actually need help with that laundry? Or was that part of some plan?”
“I definitely needed help with the laundry. I wasn’t planning anything then.”
“When did you change your mind?”
Miles tilted his head, considering me. Or perhaps considering whether he ought to answer. Eventually, he shrugged. “By the end of dinner.”
“Dinner,” I repeated, shocked. “Then why the excuse at the gym?”
“Because when I kissed you, you froze up! I hadn’t meant to move so fast, but you were too damn cute and by then I really wanted you to fuck my brains out, so I tested the waters and you shut right down. I figured I must have misread the situation, so I made a shitty excuse.”
“You didn’t misread, I just—”
“Thought I was having a ten-second gay panic,” he interrupted, lifting placating hands. “I know. So, I decided to show you in what Ithoughtwas the most obvious way possible that I love dick and somehow that backfired too.” He ran a hand through his hair and laughed. “You’re so fucking unpredictable,Matteo. I don’t think I’ve ever had this much trouble getting laid before.”
Sure it wasn’t a compliment, I said, “I swear I’m really not that complicated, this has just been . . . weird, you know, given where we started. Wait, did you call me cute?”
Miles shrugged, his spreading grin a little apologetic. “Maybe. To be honest, I’ve always thought so. I just also thought you were a cocky dick.”
“ThatIwas a cocky dick? Wow.”
“Oh, is that what you thought of me?”
“Something like that,” I admitted.
“Huh,” he said, sounding genuinely surprised. “Well, I’m glad we’ve figured that out. Since it would be a shame to waste the opportunity that finds us both exceptionally gay, exceptionally hot, and living across the hall from one another.”
