world number 4
we played rg a couple of weeks ago
i won
I rolled my eyes and sped to my previous pace on the bike.I know who you are. What do you want?
to know if you’re going to wimbledon
Why?I typed back.
cos i need to know how much i can spend on this swing, you dick
There was no way he would actually attempt to play on my budget, but it might humble him to know how tight it was, so I pulled up my spreadsheet and took a screenshot.
Here, I typed back, attaching the picture.I work in Australian dollars but I’m sure you can spare one of your five trainers to look up the conversion.
I waited. No reply came. I set my phone down, and the realisation that I had just sent Miles Callahan my UK budget slowly crept over me.
“Fuck,” I whispered, and slammed the pedals to a halt. Leaping off the bike, I grabbed my phone and thumbed to my endless conversation with Katie.I just sent Miles Callahan my UK budget. Please tell me there’s a god of idiots who will avenge me when I die of embarrassment.
While I waited for a reply, I strode out into the late afternoon sunshine. Or at least what passed for sunshine in England. A security guard watched, blank-faced, while the distant hum of the tournament happened to other people.
Katie called.
“Kaolemos,” she said in greeting, the sound of wind crackling down the line. “Ancient Greek personification of stupidity. Though whether he would avenge you is a whole other question. Dare I askwhyyou sent it to him? I didn’t know you two talked.”
“We don’t,” I said, long strides taking me to the end of the building and back. “I gave him my number years ago and now this.”
“What isthis?”
I hadn’t told her about my run-in with Callahan because it was easier to let hurts scab than pick at them, so as I paced alongside the tournament office, providing entertainment for the world’s most bored security guard, I explained how I had told Miles exactly what I thought of his hard work.
“Ouch,” Katie said when I finished. “Maybe he’s taking up the challenge.”
“Miles Callahan is not going to risk his ranking just because I called him a coward.”
“You never know, he might.”
“He won’t. Which means I’ve just embarrassed myself for nothing.”
The phone crackled like she’d swapped it to her other ear. “What’re you worried he’ll do? Post it on his socials? You know, he’s not actually a dick from all I’ve heard.”
“He’ll probably laugh about it with his team. Like I need another reason for the whole tour to whisper behind their hands about me.”
“Dotrynot to panic, Mat,” Katie sighed. “It’ll probably just make him feel bad, right? At least for a few seconds – long enough to remember to thank some service staff. Really, you’re doing the world a favour.”
I laughed, some of the tension loosening in my chest. “And if he shares it on his socials, you’ll call your pal Koala-lemons to avenge me?”
“Koalemos. And yes. I’ll avenge you.”
We chatted for a while longer, about her cursed journey to Ilkley and my win, before confirming our London plans and hanging up. As I headed back, my phone vibrated.
where the fuck you stay for that little?
Because apparently, he hadn’t tortured me enough. I thought about not replying, but my budget was just a fact of life for players outside the top hundred who didn’t have rich parents, so if he was going to play this game then I would play along.
I’m staying here, I wrote back, adding a link to the dinky apartment block.Katie’s covering half.
