Gwen let the silence settle, then gently she said, “You’re spiralling. Which is allowed. But let me say something.”
I nodded, barely.
“You were never the problem, Kate. Not with your ex. Not with the IVF. It wasn’tyou. Okay, maybe the timing is a bit shit, but Kate, maybe this was meant to happen like this?”
She paused. Tilted her head, voice soft now.
“You love him?”
I swallowed. “Yeah.”
“He loves you. He’s a good man, Kate. Dense, clearly…but good. You deserve that.”
Tears stung again.
“I was supposed to be done with this, Gwen. I was supposed to go back to work next week.”
“Work will wait. Your old life will wait. But this?” She touched my stomach lightly. “This won’t.”
She gave a small, hopeful shrug. “Look, you feel like shit. You’re not going back to work. Take a breather to figure it out. You don’t have to know everything today. You’ve built your life aroundsafebefore. Look where it got you. Maybe this is different. Maybe this is the start of something that’s meant to be yours.”
I nodded. She didn’t know I’d already jacked it all in. I let the tearsfall. Let her pull me in again, her hand in my hair, her chin on my crown.
And for the first time since I saw those pink lines, I let myself really feel it.
I was pregnant.
And maybe, just maybe, that didn’t have to be as terrifying as it felt.
Chapter Forty-Six
Kate
The house wasdim and quiet now, lit only by the flicker of the television we weren’t watching and the glow of a streetlight bleeding through the gaps in the blinds.
I was curled in the corner of the sofa, a blanket over my knees, hands cradling a mug of peppermint tea I wasn’t drinking because I still wasn’t keeping much down.
Gwen was beside me, cross-legged and scrolling her phone. Occasionally checking something. Occasionally glancing at me to check I wasn’t about to break again.
I’d gone through everything with her by now. The crying. The denial. The half-laughing disbelief. I’d tried googling things, which was a bad idea. I’d sat on the bathroom floor and told Gwen I couldn’t do it. Then five minutes later, told her I could, that I’d do it alone if I had to. Then said I didn’t know again.
I was pregnant. With Jordan’s baby. The words sat heavy in my chest, impossible and undeniable all at once.
I’d seen what he did back in that hotel room a hundred times before, in the children I worked with. The way they turned their frustration on the safest person in the room. The one they trusted not to leave, even when they lashed out. That was what weakness did; itwent for the ones you loved most. And Jordan did love me. He’d said it. I’d felt it. And now…
Now, there was no denying what bound us. Now I was trying to figure out how to tell him.
Whether Ishouldtell him. Whether it was selfish. Whether it was fair. Whether he’d hate me and think I’d done it on purpose. Whether…
Gwen’s voice cut clean through the tailspin.
“You might want to think fast.”
I turned. “Why?”
She didn’t look up. “Because he’s on his way back to London.”
My stomach dropped, and my eyes narrowed. “What?”
