“She started IVF the day she found out that idiot cheated,” Gwen said. “She was leaving that life before you ever showed up. She was already doing the hardest thing a woman can do—rebuilding from the ruins. And then you came along. You were her light, Jordan. Her second chance. She didn’t fall into this. She chose it. She chose you.”
I couldn’t breathe.
“She… she never told me that.”
“Yeah. Because she doesn’t want pity,” Gwen bit out. “She wanted what was between you to be because of who she is. She wanted you to be her new start. She didn’t need you to throw her past in her face. She needed you to love her better than the last man who broke her.”
My whole body caved in. I rubbed my face hard, but it didn’t stop the burn behind my eyes. I felt like I’d been gutted.
I was supposed to be the one who healed her. Who showed her it was safe to believe in something again. I was supposed to protect her.
And instead, I’d gutted her.
“I’m a fucking idiot.”
“Yes,” Gwen said, but softer now. “You are. But if you want her back, Jordan…you better fix it. And you better be ready to earn it.”
Chapter Forty-Five
Kate
August 20th
I didn’t even remember gettinghome. The airport, the flight, the train ride here was all one big blur. I’d been going for hours and yet I didn’t have any concept of what day it was.
The grey light outside blurred, and before I knew it I was in the hallway, the click of the door at my back making the air feel older, heavier, like I’d slipped into another lifetime.
?Everything was where I’d left it. My books. My mug on the draining board. My work bag still slung over the end of the banister. It was like I’d dreamed the last four weeks.
I dropped my case at the foot of the stairs and sank down beside it. Still in my crumpled airport clothes. Jesus, I’d left the hotel in such a state, I hadn’t even noticed what I was wearing. His hoodie. That still smelled like him. My body folded in on itself, like maybe if I got small enough, the pain wouldn’t find me. Then the tears finally came.
Not pretty, cinematic tears. Nope, these were ugly, raw sobs. The kind that cracked open your ribs and tore their way out whether you wanted them to or not. My whole body shook. My throat burned. My lungs were on fire. I think I cried until I couldn’t breathe. I cried so hard until my stomach lurched and I scrambled to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before I threw up.
I couldn’t move. Didn’t want to. Lying there felt easier than trying to stand, easier than facing the storm I’d just unleashed.
And then the reality hit, sharp as glass: what the hell had I done? I’d bolted, like a coward. Left him, left us, without giving him a chance. And now I was here, alone, curled on a bathroom floor, sobbing over a man. Again.
He didn’t even know where I was, though he’d probably guessed by now. I should’ve stayed. We should’ve talked. I should’ve fought for us the way I swore I would. But the truth was, I hadn’t been thinking at all. The only thought in my head was to run. Run until there was nowhere left to go but here.
I must have eventually passed out from exhaustion, because the next time I opened my eyes, it was morning. That pale grey Welsh light slipped in through the frosted glass bathroom window like a ghost. My head throbbed and my mouth tasted like ash. My eyes were swollen and sore.
And then I heard the front door creak open.
“Kate?”
Gwen.
Of course it was her.
I didn’t even lift my head. Just croaked out a hoarse, “Bathroom,” whilst my cheek was still pressed against the cold tile.
Seconds later, I heard her footsteps, fast but careful on the stairs. Then her arms were around me, pulling me close, curling her chin over my head like she could physically hold me together.
I started crying again. Softer now, because apparently that was all I had left in me.
“Oh, babe,” she whispered. “You should have let me pick you up.”
“I didn’t want anyone to see me like this. Gwen, you didn’t have to come all this way.”
