“Okay, this is actually great for discussion. What I’m hearing is the boundary shifting as you learn more about your desires. Mrs. Thompson, do you understand that you may like something that your husband is uncomfortable with?”
“Yes,” she answered softly.
“Mr. Thompson, do you understand that your desire to be with two women who are intimate with each other as well may never happen with your wife?”
“Yeah,” he responded.
“Great. What does this mean for you if your needs or desires are left unmet? Is it something you can continue to live without exploring?” I asked.
“I’m going to be real. If it were an ultimatum, like either you do this or you have me. I’d pick my wife hands down, but it’s something I still want to do.” He responded.
“I can agree with that. If I had to live without it, I could.” She added.
I nodded and recorded their response. Again, looking at their body language after a raw discussion, neither of them shifted from the other. Still exhibiting safety and connection.
“I asked you all to answer three questions for your session. If you have those sealed envelopes, I would like for you all to read them to me now.” I said once I finished writing down their responses.
“Mrs. Thompson, I want you to start first,” I said, because I noticed that Breeze let Timothy answer the majority of the questions first. Whoever speaks first normally sets the emotional tone and gives the other partner the chance to adjust their answer. Even if they don’t mean to.
“Sure. Why am I choosing this marriage today? The same reason why I’ve chosen my husband every day. Because I couldn’t imagine life without him in it. I feel safe, loved, valued, and understood. What am I willing to sacrifice? The unknown. I’d be willing to forego everything that I could have possibly missed out on having if it means keeping what I have right now. What do I need? Him to be more spontaneous.” She said as she closed the paper, placed it in her lap, then looked up at me.
“Let’s hold the responses for now. Mr. Thompson, read yours.” I urged.
“I’m choosing my marriage because I love you more than anything. I can’t imagine living the rest of my life knowing you ain’t my wife. What would I sacrifice? Everything. No questions asked, without a doubt. And what do I need? You to be comfortable talking to me about the things you want.”
I wrote as fast as I could, recording their answers before I looked up, and also noted that the answers to the questions were almost identical.
“Neither of you mentioned the arrangements in your responses, which means that you all want to stay married by any means. Maybe the focal point of therapy should be that. Mrs.Thompson, you said that you wanted these exercises to help you reach a decision. Have you gotten any closer to doing so?” I asked.
“Yep. Just a moment ago, actually.” She said as she finally sat straight up. Moving away from him on the couch.
“I welcome your take,” I waited for her to say what she had on her mind.
“When you asked if we could live without it. The answer is easily yes, if we have to. But I don’t think we have to. Tim should be free to have girls do whatever they want to him and each other while he sips a beer and watches the Cleveland Browns, and I could explore my desires just as freely. We’ve already survived what would have broken most marriages. But I think we should do it with stipulations.”
Hell, she had both of our curiosities piqued because neither of us said anything. Just waited for her to finish that thought.
“I think we should have the choice to have a solo experience once, maybe…. twice a year. Guilt-free. Real planning, real preparation. And not twenty-four hours. A realistic time frame. Because unless you’re on those gas station pills, then it just doesn’t make sense from a physical standpoint. A weekend for sure. Neither of us has to, but there’ll be no hard feelings if one chooses not to and the other still goes. Needs and desires are ever-changing. We could satisfy those that way.”
Her husband didn’t say a word. He just stared at her with a blank expression. I noticed that he always let her lead on conversations about the arrangements, and I knew why. She wasn’t necessarily calling the shots. He was just in murky territory. If he was too eager, he was the bad guy. His silence was calculated, not a sign of submission.
I wrote down the requirements she said.
“Does this have an expiration date? How do you know when enough is enough?” I subtly reminded Breeze of her concern about it being long-term.
She wasn’t prepared for that question. I could see it written on her face. But then she thought about it, eyes going around the office until they landed back on me.
“When we decide to be parents, I couldn’t imagine leaving a kid with the nanny while we go out and do stuff like this.” She shrugged.
Nodding, I diverted my gaze to her husband. “What about you? Are you okay with the experience? Do you have anything to add?”
“Yeah, I’m okay. But nah, I don’t have anything to add.” He shook his head like I imagined he would. His wife just told him it was okay for him to have a threesome every year. How could he argue with that? But I had to extend him the same courtesy I would extend her, with a follow-up question.
“Are you okay because you don’t want to feel like you’re limiting what Mrs. Thompson wants, or are you okay because this is also what you want?” I asked.
“Nah, I said it’s okay because I want it too, but I’m also not going to pressure her into anything.” He made it clear. Even when he said it, I could see his shoulders straighten. He was confident in his answer. It almost confirmed what I knew to be true.
I glanced down at the clock. There were four minutes left until the session ended.
