Those beautiful blue eyes narrowed, and he loved the way she scrutinized him. “You have some explaining to do.”
“I know,” Julien said softly. But where to bloody start.
She seemed to have read his mind, for she said, “Just start with the truest thing about you.”
The truest thing? That was also the most horrible thing. His fingers tightened around her wrist, and her brows furrowed slightly.
“Is it so impossible to say?”
“No.” Not to her. Now that he had her, no matter what, he wasn’t letting her go. “My mother was murdered by a man who fell in love with her.”
His wildflower gasped, but he forged on, or he might not be able to finish. “A childhood friend, if you will. More like the son of a servant and the daughter of an earl forming an unlikely friendship. He fell in love, perhaps they both did, but her parents engaged her to my father, and so far as I can tell, she never regretted her decision to follow the directions of her family.”
Christ. How many years had passed since he’d spoken about this?
“He killed her the year I turned ten,” Julien said softly, chest tightening as flashes of memory resurfaced. “The matter was swept under the rug to avoid a scandal. I witnessed everything.”
“Julien . . .”
“I knelt by her side and tried to save her. I sat pooled in her blood for hours before my father and grandfather found us. That is the last memory I have of her.”
“That’s . . . horrible . . . I can’t even imagine . . .”
“This is the business I was talking about, love. They buried the matter along with her body, letting her murderer off. They had their heir. But I never forgot. And I’ve been planning my mother’s vengeance for years.” He’d planned to hide this part of him, but he couldn’t bring himself to keep the truth from her. The truth of him. She deserved all parts of him, just like he wanted all parts of her.
“I’m so sorry . . . That’s why you came to me? The matter would have put your revenge at risk?”
He nodded.
“Wait,” her eyes widened, “so that man is now in business where even something going amiss withyourdealings can put it at risk?”
“Unfortunately.” She shook her head, and he caught her face between both his palms. “Though I do love your confidence in my dealings.” He smiled at her pointed look before saying seriously. “I had to become a man, and he became more powerful. But that’s all in the past.”
“What do you mean?” she whispered.
Julien gave a nod. “Revenge and love don’t go hand in hand, wildflower.” If he killed Silkin with his bare hands, he would sully Elowyn, too.
She reared back. “You’re giving up your revenge for me? No! You can’t let your plans fall through for me!”
“For you, I’ll give up every grievance. Every revenge. Everything.” And by God, those words were freeing. So. Damn. Freeing. Perhaps he was a man that could change after all. “Don’t look so stricken, love. Perhaps I always wanted to give up.” Honestly, his damn heart was a mess. “There were a thousand different ways I could have handled the matter. I chose to approach you. In fact, I couldn’t stay away.” He still couldn’t. “Who knows, a part of me might have known this would happen the moment I first saw you.”
“Urgh. How can you say such sweet things at a time like this, you beast. He killed your mother . . . Youdeservejustice.”
His whole body warmed at her words.
“What was your plan?” she asked suddenly, a glint entering her gaze.
No. Absolutely not. “Elowyn . . .”
“Ah, so something savage.” She smiled at him. “There are a thousand ways to get revenge. You don’t need to compromise your morals.”
They had been compromised a long time ago. A thought suddenly pushed into his head and wrenched there. Julien chuckled. “A fanciful notion, but perhaps my mother put you on my path. I don’t know. I only know I can’t face a future without your smile.”
She scoffed. “Just my smile?”
“Every part of you. The meaning of our moments might have started with business, love.” His thumb traced her cheekbone. “But somewhere between then and now, it became the truest thing I have. They, you, are so damn meaningful that I scarce have breath to describe how precious they are to me. You are already the best moments of my life, love. What’s revenge in the face of all that?”
“There’s only one problem,” she said softly, placing her hands over his, which still cupped her face. “I won’t let the man I love with all my heart not get justice for himself. Don’t you dare give up. Go get your revenge. And if I can, I would love nothing more than to help you.”
