“Come on and get in this picture with me.” Logan drags me from photo to photo.
“Man, I hate these things,” I whisper to him as a very excited group of women runs up to us, fucking perfect!
“Just a few more and then you can go wander,” Logan replies, his look apologetic, he’s seen some of the disasters I’ve been with. As I wander around the charity event, stopping for occasional fan photos with my hands tucked firmly into my pockets, something catches my eye. A military stand. God, all my fantasies have come true, a man in uniform, fuck yes.
“Did you know that there is a large number of military personnel deployed who have no communication with their life back home, wherever that may be for them?” a soldier asks, but in a crowd full of people, he is looking directly at me.
I head his way. “What can I do?”
“If you’re serious, sign up to receive a letter from one of our deployed personnel. You will get a letter, and you can write back.”
I love the idea of talking to someone who doesn’t know who I am. They won’t have any preconceived opinions of me, and I can just be me. A deep, quiet hope ignited, a potential link to a connection built entirely on words, where I could finally be the person behind the jersey. The anticipation of receiving that first letter, of having a direct line to a world so far removed from the loud, superficial chaos of my own, was overwhelming but sounded so fucking perfect right now.
4
Letter
Splash,
I guess that’s a secret name or whatever. I’m not really sure what the right thing for an intro is at this point, so hey, I’m Jackson. Honestly, your first letter hit me with an intensity I wasn’t expecting; it felt like a lifeline thrown out of the dark, and I found myself holding onto every word. The idea that someone so far away is carrying that kind of silence (while my life is usually all noise and bright lights and performing) is a strange, compelling contrast. I’d give anything for a bit of that quiet isolation right now. I hope the feeling of throwing a line out into the dark pays off for both of us. I get that it can be loud and messy for you at times, but I’m here to hopefully be a constant in your life right now. I’m hoping that I’ll be a breath of fresh air, like know your letters will be for me.
I’ll answer your question, but I have to admit, hearingthe waves crash right now is definitely a better sound than your best friend snoring! You can’t possibly tell me he’s louder than the generator? As for the smell of those double chocolate cookies… You absolutely deserve to steal them. A soldier on a mission needs his treats, especially one who has to put up with that kind of racket. I can’t smell cookies, though; I can only smell the bacon I’ve just burnt. Did I mention I’m not a very good cook? I’d share my burnt bacon with you, hell, I’d send it to you if I knew it was edible, but that’s highly questionable right now.
What can I see? A giant, king-size bed just calling my name. I’ve just got back from a very long day, and my body is about to give up on me.
Closing your eyes in your line of work might not be advisable! But I thought you could see the stars from anywhere in the world. Maybe swap spots with someone; they might have a better view. I’m so tired, physically and mentally. In a world of technology, I love that I’ve got a pen and paper right now. I have no choice but to wait for your reply. I can’t delete the chat or fixate over the fact that you’ve read my message but haven’t replied, yeah, sorry, some of my past bullshit coming out there!
Jackson
5
Ryan
It’s been weeks since I wrote that initial letter. Honestly, I wasn’t even sure where it went. Brody had ripped it out of my hands the minute I told him I was done writing. But to my surprise, there is an envelope waiting on my bunk today.
In an instant, the sheer anticipation of knowing someone actually took the time to write to me feels overwhelming. Brody’s smug grin follows me all the way to my bed.
I sit down and read, then re-read Jackson’s letter.Jackson.The name sounds like a guy. God, I hope it’s a guy. He’s not only funny, but it seems like he might actually need me as much as I possibly need him. It’s exactly what I need, but I can feel Brody’s eyes boring into me, so I slip the letter back into its envelope and gather my things.
I feel a sudden, crushing wave of isolation hit me as I walk toward the showers. Out here, loneliness isn’t just an emotion; it’s a physical presence, a cold draft in the middle of a desertheatwave. Brody is my only tether to anything resembling a soul, the only person who doesn’t look at me like I’m just another serial number on a manifest. But even with him, there are parts of me locked away in a reinforced vault. Without him, I’d be a ghost in a machine. This letter from Jackson, a total stranger, feels like a sudden, impossible crack in that vault. The realization that someone out there, someone completely untainted by this grease and grit, is reaching out specifically to me is overwhelming. This letter is a terrifying and sudden, unexpected source of light and happiness in a future I didn’t think I was permitted to claim. I head to the shower room. Knowing what time it is, I’ll have to put up with whatever lukewarm water is left over, but a genuine smile stretches across my face. It’s been so damn long since I’ve felt even a little bit happy, and I have a person named Jackson to thank for that.
6
Letter
Jackson,
The name is a very long story, and quite honestly, one I am a bit embarrassed to tell you. I mean, I hardly know you! But I’ll admit, it’s strange how quickly I’ve come to rely on these letters. It’s terrifying, actually, risking exposure to a stranger, but you’re the only person I trust right now to break the crushing monotony of this place without asking too many questions.
Yeah, I agree, closing my eyes isn’t the best idea out here, but sometimes I just need a minute to imagine that I’m not in the middle of a war. Waves crashing around you? I’m assuming you live by the beach. I guess you can surf then, too. God, I’m not jealous at all right now. Seriously, the contrast between your life and mine is a little absurd. You’re probably worrying about traffic, and I’m making sure my gear is packed tight enough to last another week in this hell. Sometimes Iforget there’s a world out there where people get sunburnt instead of frostbitten.
I’m going to pass on the burnt bacon, thanks though, however, it would probably taste better than the food we have here! Tell me, if you could eat anything right now. What would it be? I miss double chocolate cookies. At this point, I think I’m missing all real food. My current diet consists of food that tastes suspiciously like cardboard and industrial lubricant. I seriously cannot wait to get the biggest cookie and cover it in ice cream! God, how did we get onto the topic of food?
As for that giant king bed… Well, it really depends on whether someone is waiting for you in it. My single bunk definitely isn’t up to king bed standards. I can imagine crisp white sheets, pillowy soft cushions… ok, I think we need to keep off the bed talk, too!
I can see the stars tonight. We moved to a different base. Honestly, I wouldn’t change places with Brody; he deserves the best bed and the best view.
Splash
