I blink back new tears, completely unable to form a word. All I can do is nod, my throat closing up completely.
53
Jackson
I walked into the locker room, the heavy smell of ice and antiseptic hitting me after the suffocating air of the cemetery. I was still wearing the dark suit I’d rushed into for the service, the one I usually wore on game days; it felt like a costume for two vastly different events. Logan and Donovan were waiting for me, both standing near my stall, their faces etched with concern. It was the first time I’d seen them since I’d left for the funeral, and seeing their familiar, steady presence almost broke me again. Donovan immediately noticed the raw grief I was trying to mask. He put a comforting hand on my shoulder. “We’re here for you, man. Whatever you need.”
“You don’t understand,” I choked out, tears burning my eyes. “It’s not just that his friend died. It’s… It’s him.” The words came out as a desperate, messy whisper. “I’m falling for him, guys. I think I’m already in love with him. I can’t lose him.”
Logan and Donovan exchanged a long, heavy look. They knew about the letters, but they hadn’t seen this side of me before.
“I know it sounds insane,” I continued, running a shaky hand over my face. “I’ve never met him. I don’t know his voice, hell, I don’t even know what he looks like! But he’s the only person who’s ever truly seen me, and now he’s trapped over there, completely alone, and I can’t do a damn thing to help. Brody was his safe person. And now he’s gone. It feels like the world just ended.”
“It doesn’t sound insane, Jackson,” Donovan said quietly, his gaze steady and compassionate. “You found someone real. That’s rare. And you’re grieving for two people right now, Brody and the guy you’ve fallen for.”
“We’re not going to let him go through this alone,” Logan declared, his voice firm. “We’re your family, man. And Splash is part of that now. We’ll figure out what to do next.”
54
Letter
Splash,
I was there today. I went to the funeral.
I flew out the second I got a break in the schedule. I didn’t care about missing practice, and I didn’t care what excuse I had to give the team. I just knew I couldn’t let Brody be laid to rest without someone standing there for you.
The sun was blinding, Splash. It was one of those hot, bright days where the heat just radiates off the grass. Everyone in the crowd was wearing dark sunglasses, staring straight ahead. I had mine on too, hiding behind them so no one would look too closely at my eyes, watching them fold the flag. Every time the rifles fired for the salute, my chest cracked open because I knew what those shots were doing to you thousands of miles away.
When everyone started leaving, I walked up to the casket. I brought a box of the Crumb & Crust cookies—the triplechocolate ones. I set them right on the edge of the wood, the midday sun hitting the cardboard. I told him they were from you. I told him he did a damn good job watching your six, and that I’d take it from here. And then, Splash… Anna walked up to me.
I completely froze. I thought I was going to throw up from pure panic because we’ve never met, we’ve never heard each other’s voices, and I didn’t know how the hell to explain why a random hockey player was crying over her husband’s casket. But she took off her sunglasses, looked at my face, and whispered my name.
Brody told her, Splash. Right before that final mission, he called her and told her everything. He told her how much he loved you, how proud he was of you for trusting him, and how much you loved me. She looked at the cookie box, and she just smiled through her tears. She touched my arm and told me it was ok. She said Brody kept your secrets, and she keeps them too.
She wishes they’d let you come home. She hates that you’re alone right now.
Listen to me, my soldier. I know you’re exhausted. I know when you close your eyes, you see him on that floor, and I know the dark is trying to swallow you whole. But Anna knows. I know. The people who truly love you see exactly who you are.
You don’t have to be strong. You don’t have to keep the armor on when you write to me. I am right here on the other side of this letter, and I am waiting to bring you home, soldier.
Jackson
55
Letter
Splash,
Coach nearly skated us to death today because we dropped the game in New York. My legs feel like poured concrete, and Donovan accidentally took my favorite stick on the road trip, so I’m currently plotting my revenge. The girl at Crumb & Crust knows my face now. I think she thinks I have a serious problem.
You don’t have to write back right now. I know it’s heavy. Just eat the cookies, stay safe, and remember your home crowd is waiting. I’m not going anywhere.
Jackson
56
Letter
