Except Rakos isn’t dismissive this time.
“What the fuck?” Rakos crouches beside him. He touches Bellamy’s shoulder, then yanks away. “Are you hurt?”
“I’m fine,” Bellamy manages. “Just going to sit here for a bit.” Despite his words, he sucks in a shaky breath and tries to stand.
Rakos is right there, a solid bulk steadying Bell as he staggers towards the nearest tree. Helpful, supportive, swearing razor-sharp syllables of Draskoran the entire way. Bellamy would laugh if his head didn’t hurt so much.
“Stay under the tree line,” Rakos says, switching back to Trade as he helps him sit against the tree.
His hands linger on Bellamy’s shoulders, and Bellamy doesn’t know why until the spinning finally stops. Only when he’s steady does Rakos let go of him.
“You with me?”
“Yes.” Bellamy suppresses his next impulsive response. He doesn’t think Rakos will believe any claim that he’s fine.
Firefly light shifts over Rakos’s features, making him look ethereal and wild. When he speaks again, it’s gentler. More confused than anything else. “What were you thinking?”
“What?” Bellamy can’t think of anything right now besides how much he wants to sleep, and how annoying it is that sleep might not even help.
Rakos shrugs. “When I asked you if you could keep going, why did you say you could?”
Oh. Bellamy rubs his neck. Digs his fingers in right at the base of his skull. It doesn’t do much. “I thought I could.” His attempted grin turns to a grimace. “I did, didn’t I? Made it to the creek.”
“Well done.” Rakos’s sarcasm lacks an edge. “But you’re not stupid. At least, I didn’t think you were stupid. I wasn’t asking if you could keep going until you fucking fainted.”
Was he not?
Bellamy still doesn’t know Rakos. Though maybe he could learn more about him right here, right now, if only he had the energy to pay attention. “You wanted to keep going.”
Rakos exhales. “Sure. I wanted to keep going. But you know what would have happened if you said no?”
“Sure,” Bellamy echoes. This conversation is so pointless. Bellamy needs it to end so he can pretend to sleep. “You would have left me behind.”
“Left you—fuck.”
Rakos mutters something, lost under the rustling leaves and rippling water. Every stray movement of the night, in which Rakos and Bellamy are the only point of stillness.
Instead of replying, Rakos straightens to his feet. “I’m going to set up a perimeter.”
Bellamy loops his arms over his knees and rocks his heavy head back and forth, trying to loosen muscle and bone. Steady breathing to ease the tension between his shoulder blades. Unfortunately, once his headaches start, fixing the trigger doesn’t fix the problem. Painkillers sometimes help, but he doesn’t have any pills or elixirs now. He just has to wait it out, alone in his head.
Wry amusement strikes Bellamy as Rakos sets up camp. Stupid questions about stupid questions with obvious answers. Of course Rakos wanted to keep going. Just like when Mother asks if Bellamy can attend an event, and that means he attends. When Claude asks if Bellamy would prefer sitting a hunt out, that means he sits the hunt out.
Rakos’s perimeter seems to be a wide circle of noisy dry branches. Maybe it will work as an alarm. Bellamy doesn’t even have the strength to wish for a bed. A pillow. A simple sheet of canvas. Much less the strength to tree-craft a real shelter for the night, while concealing his efforts from Rakos.
Brushing off his hands, Rakos crouches in front of Bellamy again. “I owe you an apology.”
Bellamy’s mind blanks out.
Before he can muster a response, Rakos continues. “I was in a bad fucking mood yesterday. The last thing I remembered before waking up in that cell was a dozen drasgard jumping me. Plus, I’m used to hanging out with other—other farmers, who are kind of assholes.” Rakos runs his hand through his hair. “So, I spoke more harshly than I should have. Also, I shouldn’t have choked you.”
Bellamy touches his own throat. He had forgotten those bruises. “I’m not stupid. You meant every word about not falling behind.”
Rakos groans. “Fine. Yes. I meant it. But that was yesterday, and today is today. Do you understand?”
“I really don’t.”
“When I said I’d leave you behind, I meant that. When I said I’d get you to Orthin, I meant that too,” Rakos says. “I keep my word. Do you know what really would have happened if you said you couldn’t keep going tonight?”
